Nobody Celebrating Unbroken Record Of White, Male GC Leadership

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The traditional ivory white sheet cake at the annual gathering of Adventist Heritage Enthusiasts was dispensed with this year due to the difficulty of sharing cake via Read more […]

Bleak Prospects: Silver Spring 7-Elevens Flooded With Applications From Panicked GC Officials Facing Election Season

SILVER SPRING, Md. — 7-Eleven stores in the Silver Spring area have run out of application forms after being flooded by employment requests from GC officials worried about their re-election Read more […]

GC Auditorium Transformed Into State-Of-The-Art Echo Chamber

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A massive renovation project has transformed the General Conference auditorium into an echo chamber featuring cutting-edge technology that ensures those inside the hall Read more […]

Trump/Kim Summit Success Prompts 2020 GC Session Relocation to Singapore

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing the “magic of Singapore” that allowed for a successful series of meetings between US President Donald Trump and North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un, Adventist leaders Read more […]