Reader Submitted: GC-approved Mother’s Day gifts

  For Mother’s Day (at least in certain parts of the world) we thought we’d do something different this year. Here’s a list of “GC-approved Mother’s Day Gifts” submitted by one of our awesome Read more […]

General Conference employees forbidden from buying “Popemobile” Fiats

BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — Hours after Pope Francis left the United States, General Conference employees received an email with strict instructions to refrain completely from buying Read more […]

Unions reclassified as “General Conference Puppet Ministries”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Faced with several unions around the world that are creating regional rules regarding issues such as women’s ordination, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Read more […]

New General Conference slogan: “Unity Over Conscience”

Silver Spring, MD — General Conference leaders seeking a catchy slogan to power their efforts until the next GC elections have found one they are convinced has a fun ring to it: Unity Over Conscience. “What Read more […]

Obama to repeat anti-women’s oppression speech to GC upon return to America

NAIROBI, Kenya — Thousands of Kenyans gathered in a Nairobi sports center roared their approval yesterday as US President Barack Obama categorically condemned the justification of the oppression Read more […]

Adventist Church Seeks Most Boring City Possible for Future GC Session

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Plagued by delegate participation falling by half in sessions not dealing with hot-button issues, Seventh-day Adventist leadership is seeking the most boring city possible Read more […]

Slide show: 28 Fundamental Reasons Adventists Should Ordain Women

If you are anything like us, you may be dealing with information overload with all the arguments for or against women’s ordination. To help illustrate the issues we thought a little slide show about why to ordain women would be in order.

North American Division to move into local Dave & Busters

SILVER SPRING, Md. — North American Division officials have revealed that their offices will be relocated from their present location in the General Conference building to the Dave & Busters Read more […]

Ted Wilson retires from GC Presidency, takes up church construction

LA ROMANA, Dominican Republic — “I’m done with office work,” explained Pastor Ted Wilson from his perch at the top of some scaffolding. A natural handyman, Wilson gave up his role as General Read more […]

Dance step to accompany ‘We Have This Hope’ at GC 2020

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “There is absolutely no reason to freak out,” opened North American Division Sacred Music Director, Liz Samuels at a press briefing outside her office this morning. She Read more […]