Livid Adventists Protest Potluck Shutdown
WORLDWIDE — General Conference servers have crashed every Sabbath since coronavirus concerns forced the shuttering of churches almost everywhere. A torrent of angry complaint emails are Read more […]
Category: Potluck
Adventist Potluck Olympics Cancelled
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The entire Adventist world is fighting back tears at the news that the denomination’s defining event – Potluck Olympics – has been cancelled due to the coronavirus Read more […]
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Conveyor Belts To Speed Up Adventist Potluck Lines
ADVENTIST WORLD – Sabbath potlucks will never be the same again. In response to decades of complaints from Adventists about potluck line wait times, the denomination has made the decision Read more […]
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Churches to Officially Rank Potluck Dishes Each Sabbath
ADVENTIST WORLD — Potluck dishes at Adventist churches will be officially ranked as of this Sabbath. A church board subcommittee at each congregation will be assigned to pre-taste each dish Read more […]
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Final Hour Catering makes potluck dishes on behalf of time-starved Adventists
ADVENTIST WORLD — Time-starved Adventists who have forgotten to make a potluck dish to bring to church can now order their dish from Adventist-owned Final Hour Catering. “There’s never enough Read more […]
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Adventist keeps church hopping to retain visitor status at potluck
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A lifelong Adventist who moved to Berrien Springs years ago has refused to transfer his membership to a local church. Instead, Jack Jumpur has opted to church hop Read more […]
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Adventist Church builds database of people not contributing to potluck
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A database has been created to track Cheapventists (Adventists known at their local churches for attending potluck without contributing their own dishes.) Since word Read more […]
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Gordon Ramsay signs up for “Heaven’s Kitchen” Adventist potluck series
CULVER CITY, Calif. — Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has decided to add a new show to his current filming schedule. The new series will be called Heaven’s Kitchen and will attempt to single out Read more […]
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Adventists reminded not to prepare burnt offerings for Sabbath potluck
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Leading Adventist nutritionists are reminding Adventists that burnt offerings are “no longer a thing” and should not make appearances at Sabbath potlucks. “Do not try Read more […]
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Pandemonium erupts as Adventist pastor announces potluck is canceled
MARIETTA, Ga. — A full scale riot erupted at Marietta Central Adventist Church following a last-minute announcement from Senior Pastor, Des Graciado, that potluck last Sabbath had been canceled. Reports Read more […]
