ADVENTIST WORLD — Pews across Adventism are being retrofitted with supports to be able to handle substantially heavier members that have spent the coronavirus crisis overeating. Use with caution. Denominational Read more […]
Cool it. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson has a special message for Adventists during the coronavirus crisis. The Adventist member of President Trump’s cabinet asked his Read more […]
ANCIENT BABYLON — Earlier today, the Biblical Research Institute unveiled findings regarding the special diet of Daniel and his three friends after they asked to be excused from eating Nebuchadnezzar’s Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Rez Allusion, a middle-aged Pathfinder club director who packed on a few too many over Thanksgiving, has vowed to start faithfully abiding by NEWSTART health principles as Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University nutritionists launched the Nothing Is Impossible Burger earlier today in a bid to “reassert Adventist veggie product mojo” in an increasingly crowded Read more […]
Loma Linda, Calif. — Bill Worthington, one of the faces of the Loma Linda Blue Zone, was busted by veggie cops yesterday as he was devouring a cheeseburger for the very first time. Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD – Sabbath potlucks will never be the same again. In response to decades of complaints from Adventists about potluck line wait times, the denomination has made the decision Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Potluck dishes at Adventist churches will be officially ranked as of this Sabbath. A church board subcommittee at each congregation will be assigned to pre-taste each dish Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what has universally been acknowledged as the biggest bust of the operation so far, the Mueller Investigation has discovered what it calls a “robust stash of grade A Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Laodicean Adventist Luke Waurm reported to his local emergency room earlier today complaining of severe constipation. When asked what he had been eating, Waurm admitted to Read more […]
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