NEWSTART Enthusiast To Start New Life (After Holidays)

This doesn’t count.

ADVENTIST WORLD — Rez Allusion, a middle-aged Pathfinder club director who packed on a few too many over Thanksgiving, has vowed to start faithfully abiding by NEWSTART health principles as soon as the holidays are over.

Allusion has told friends he could start living like a Weimar purist right now but he can’t risk seeming antisocial over Christmas, it just wouldn’t be right.

Known for rushing up to the church potluck table for seconds before more disciplined members have even made a first pass, Allusion has told loved ones to hold him accountable to eating like Hans Diehl himself – the moment Christmas dinners plus obligatory left-overs bingeing are complete.

At the very latest, he says he plans to start after New Year’s – providing he doesn’t have to go to the January Men’s Ministries Pizza Party.


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One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    Hey, RES-Not a problem. Go to Burger King for the impossible all plant burger. Go to Dunkin’ for the all plant sausage/egg patty with lotsa cheese. Chik Fil A has the plant based chicken. Man-you good to go in 2020. Don’t wait til Dec 31. Re-Start now. Who’s gonna come up with a plant based pork rib? MAGA-Make Adventism Great Again at INDY 2020

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