About BarelyAdventist

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.  It is written by committed Adventists that have no interest in tearing down the church. (We, however, are not endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. Go figure.)  The whole point is to help the Adventist faith community grow through conversation and humor in a way that does not*  involve over-earnest soap boxing or angry rants.

You can help keep BarelyAdventist running by supporting us on Patreon.

barelyadventist hang loose



*thanks, rusty! 😉

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    1. SDA JOE






      1. Ray Kraft

        A God who created man eating dinosaurs, mosquitos, chiggers, poison oak and poison ivy, rattlesnakes and cobras, ebola virus and leprosy, has a sense of . . . humor?

        Oh, sorry, God didn’t create those things . . . somebody else must have . . . everything God created was good . . . somebody else musta created all the bad stuff . . . so, there are two creators?

        I’m gettin’ confused.

        1. He also created the thorns and thistles which is if i am correct, created or let the plan ts mutate to have thorns, This thorns were used tas a crown to prick His foreheads. In the book of Genesis, the thorns and thistles was as a result of Adam and Eve’s sin.

        2. What God created was perfect in every way. What happened to the earth and all that was in it after sin ruined it all was not God’s fault…He did not create ebola nor anything that is bad because that is completely against His nature. He made a perfect world, with perfect creatures. You can thank the introduction of sin by Satan for all the bad stuff.
          You seem to not know your Creator, if you did, you would never think of Him in the manner you now do. The lies that circulate about God makes us fear and hate Him when in actuality, His character is nothing but love for His people, for you, for all of us.
          My dear, God is not a judge sitting on a throne just waiting for someone to slip up so He can throw you in Hell. He’s a loving Father, waiting for us to repent & come to Him so He can fix us up and love us the way we ought to be. If we believe the lies the Devil tells, we may never come to know just how compassionate and merciful and loving and gracious God really is.
          The bible says ALL of heaven REJOICES when ONE SINGLE sinner repents…… Which parent do you know, throws a worldwide party when one of their rebellious or lost children comes home?
          (by the way, He did not create dinosaurs, that’s why they’re now extinct…He got rid of them and others that man would not be able to tame)

          1. Lavina LaBorde

            Praise God for your comment. Only God can inspire your type of narrative. When I started reading the comments they seem to all support this uninspired idea. Your comment was a breath of fresh air. What drew me to read more details about this new idea was the satanic hand signal and the name Seventh-day Adventist. I want nothing to do with this site.

          2. Lindy

            Yah, But God created Lucifer. If we are guilty for what we think, then how could God not know what was going on in the head of the being standing right next to Him. He knew what was in his head, he knew what he would do, and he let him drag a third of the Heavenly Hosts with him. So what do you want to do with that?

          3. Jonah

            Is that a good basis to deny someone the chance to live their life and have the chance to prove otherwise?
            Let me ask it like this: if it were possible to go back in time, would that give us the right to remove the ovaries that would later bear adolf hitler, on the basis that we knew what he was going to do?
            It all comes down to free choice – that is God had to give Lucifer the chance to not sin, otherwise it wasn’t free choice.

          4. Bettie Giles

            When I first saw this site it made my red flags go up, (Barely Adventist?) I thought, are they happy this way? then I saw Kereece Davis and Lavina LaBorde”s posts, Praise God! I wont be back here either!

        3. Leyly Marban

          God created us. We have his characteristics, therefore humor is a characteristic of God.

          He created us in perfectection. It is our choice to live outside of the perfection he wanted for.

          The consequences of sin (i truly believe) from the beginning are the ungly things like thorns and mosquitos and roaches and rats how we see them today. If we stuck to the original plan there wouldnt be a need for creatures to cleanup our messes. How we live today IS NOT what GOD PLANNED for us.

        4. David

          No, when sin entered the Earth it made everything around it bad. Before sin, animals did not eat each other but loved each other. But, when Adam and Eve ate from the fruit from the Tree, they sinned. But, when God comes back, there will be no more crying, lying, dying or sin.

          1. Debbie Clark

            This is why so many women absolutely and positively hate snakes, as in Genesis 3:15 “And I will put enmity between you and the woman…” Some of us women think that the only good snake is a dead snake!

            Will there be snakes in Heaven? I bet they won’t be able to talk if there are.

          1. Sylvia Stuart

            Amen. “Barely Adventists” should call themselves “not Adventists, Just Liars”. There are many people on the net that are being misled by what is being written as satire on the Adventists. It is glossed over lies. I’m sure Satan is elated at everything BarelyAdventist publishes. They are instruments in his hands. And those who think they are being brilliant at thinking up these lies are also falling for the devil’s lies that it is all in fun! Lying is not fun, folks! The good Lord states in the scripture that there is no room in heaven for liars! So keep it up, BarelyAdventist. You are choosing you own destiny…certainly not the destiny of the Adventist Church!

  1. Connie smart

    Oh! what a darling way to get the meat of topics out with satirical humor! Read this to my sister while she was driving…she almost wrecked…she was laughing so hard!

    I especially..loved the marriage satire! It’s a shame that…The Lord…only seems to know where our kids reside when they are in our Adventist colleges…guess someone needs to update the Lord’s address book when they graduate..so they’ll still have a chance to find their God intended soulmate!


  2. Todd Tolson

    A FB friend posted a link to your blog. While I haven’t been in an SDA church since late ’74 your satirical post bright back a flood of memories and induced some belly laughs. Keep up the good work. I’ll be watching! 🙂

    1. Debby

      Not since 1980 for me, but have thoroughly enjoyed finding this site as I remember these quirks oh so well. I think the satire is tastefully done, and not disrespectful. Well done!

      1. Z

        The parables bring about laughter do they? Or do they allow you to be pricked at the heart as a reader. There is a really thin line here that we must be careful of crossing as many readers who are no longer Adventists are able to laugh along and even feel justified in the move away due to these very things instead of being wooed and encouraged back to the truth of God’s word….be careful jesting…and of the backlash satire can bring. In the bible we are aware of the parable. Not everyone is primarily aware that these are not true stories being put forth and we ought to be mindful of that in every endeavor…how might what we chose to do, cause someone to stumble.

        1. Just another

          Perhaps you are correct for some, but then there are those of us who only visit the Adventist Churches for weddings and funerals even though our parents spent dearly to send us to SDA schools because our perception of the church is stiff and intolerant and just a tad judgmental. And yet here I am, following a post from Facebook, laughing and a bit inquisitive about this new side of the church.
          Good job, I say. Keep it up.

        2. Ginger Kilgore

          I am one who didn’t know this was a satirical site & thought the Walls Walls college student article was true. I feel duped & even though I left the church I do not agree to this type of satire. Leaving the church was a very hard choice & one not done lightly. Even though I’m not SDA I still don’t like picking on it like this.


        Just because you told them you upfront it was made up..Does not stop it from being a lie..it’s still lying. Even worse, it’s intentional. It’s still lying. It’s still bearing a false witness.. It’s still a sin. When Jesus was telling the parables, His intents was not to deceive or make fun of the people. It was to teach the people. This site is a black eye to the church and its members.. Lying is still a sin no matter how cute or quaint we like to fool ourselves. They same penalty awaits liars as do the father of lies… Satan. From the beginning he was a liar.. And the father of all liars… If I was you, I stopped spreading rumors and falsehoods… Spread the truth. By the way, you have no right to damage another person’s reputation. Mr. Norris did not ask you to use his name in your article.

    1. CryTears

      Oh my…lets hope no ones wearing the Gold you’re writing of!
      Oh be careful little ears what you hear, see, say….!
      We invited a young child, 7 yr old girl, VERY Adventist…. to join our family for church camping trip…she’s same age of my grand daughter, so was a perfect combo…
      except my kids and grands are NO longer Adventist,,
      they’re jewelry wearing, painted nails and such lost souled sinners!…
      Before leaving for our camping trip, I treated myself and my grand to a pedicure.
      We chose matching bright red polish topped with cute, flower decals and topped with a glittery gem.
      I didn’t think twice as we proudly wore our matching sandals that helped show off
      our painted toes!
      My grand and SDA gal were enjoying playing together until…..woa is me!
      My grand came running into our RV,,,
      she was almost breathless, had

      tears running down her face…
      she came running to tell me what was just told to her….that SHE was NOT going to heaven and is destined to burn in hell because of her wearing ANY nail polish and jewelry.
      Our little SDA visitor had informed her that those wearing anything that wasn’t put there by God!
      That its a sin & sinners will not spend a moment in Heaven;
      WILL suffer, burn in Hell a very long time.
      My Sunday Keeping Grands being raised in an awesome non denominational faith her father, his family follows.
      How does a grandmother explain?
      Because of this same old BS is reason people leave!

      1. BadVentist 1844

        I feel your pain. A similar situation involving nail polish and jewelry happened to my daughters at WWU Torchbearers Pathfinders. They were repeatedly admonished about their earrings (which were tasteful mind you) and their nail polish. My daughters were singled out from instruction time and lectured about how nail polish was against God’s wishes on their appearance and how they were corrupting the other members. They were also lectured on how nail polish was poisonous to their health and that they would have a high risk of getting cancer if they continued to wear it. The constant belittling and fear mongering caused me to pull my daughters from Pathfinders, WWU Sabbath school and I haven’t set foot in that church since. I have never met a more judgemental group of people in Western civilization as SDA’s.

      2. Yonah ben-Aluf

        LOL! So in other words:

        You’re not to encourage them to wear jewels, have painted nails, glitter and all this other stuff.

        BECAUSE: Ellen White made a passing comment which someone has taken out of context (which she probably never intended that way).

        AND: if they do (wear jewelery, paint their nails etc), then they will go to hell (which we don’t believe in) and burn for a very long time (which we also don’t think is biblical).

        LOLidge! I’m really confused!

      3. Yonah ben-Aluf

        Sorry, but seriously though:
        The reality is I know exactly what you mean.
        We have had a few people tell us not to “eat eggs”, or “listen to music with drums in it” (things like that), I haven’t been told not to wear jewelery but that’s because I don’t wear it (because I’m a bloke).

        The worst thing is that when we pull people up for misrepresenting something she said (I like to ask people where in the bible we get said idea from, which is the way she intended everything she wrote), then they look at you as if you’re the devil himself and retort with something like “Are you saying she’s not a prophet?”

        Just to clarify: I’m not anti-White.

        It’s a worry though….

  3. Beth

    I picked up “the ideas issue” of Time magazine the other day in a reception area and read an article calling for less political correctness & more tolerance in humor and comedy. The argument made sense–if we can’t laugh at ourselves we’re in trouble. And if we exclude any group from our humor, we imply that they aren’t part of us. Friends and family use humor to keep each other humble, but also to let us know we’re accepted by the group, flaws and all. Hopefully, all your readers “get” this. 🙂

    1. cside

      We are to be a peculiar people, do we really want to be “accepted” by the world? Our work in this day and age is to tell people of the Three Angels Message, and to be ready, not to poke fun at what we believe in. We do not want to be caught sleeping when the time of trouble comes, because if we are not ready for that time, we will not be ready for when Jesus comes. Hopefully all your readers will “get” this.

      1. cside, there’s a difference between having a sense of humor and not having a sense of humor. I would hope that there’s time for a little levity in our lives. We can’t be so “peculiar” that no one wants to get close to us!

  4. Bruce

    Having grown up Adventist I have experienced many of the topics brought up here. With family and close friends (maybe even some of you) we have taken humorous looks at how we as humans in the church fail to see the bigger picture and place too much emphasis on certain points, while ignoring something else that is truly more significant in God’s eyes. Showing some of that irony, and aspects of our unique heritage, which if you take a step back and look at it, does give a chuckle at some of our human shortsightedness and flaws, was, I believe, the intention of the blog creators. In itself, that can be relatively harmless, given the right topic, context and audience. But I have strong ambivalence about how this blog is progressing. I catch the satire, some of the nuances are funny. I understand the humor. But when I think of how I as an Adventist am representing Jesus Christ in all I do and say, and am to band together with my fellow believers (the church) to help those who are wandering to find their way to our Savior, I have to say some of this is not helpful to God’s work. How things are said and what is said, who it is said about can have devastating consequences that are completely not intentional, and would not occur until stated in a public forum such as this. Some of my friends and co-workers who I or my wife have been carefully working with for years to develop interest in spiritual things and have recently made good moves toward God, have done searches on Adventists. I pray, and hope that they will not stumble across this website. I’m afraid it would undo the good already done, and add much confusion to their perceptions of the church, the visible representatives of God. As you have stated, you are committed Adventists, so as a fellow committed, humor loving Adventist, I want to encourage your humor from turning into something unintentionally damaging. Here is what I see as possible helpful recommendations. Take another close look at the topics or persons you have posted about. I know this is done in fun and somewhat spontaneously, but ask yourself some questions. Will it reduce in some way his, her, or the institution’s ministry in some way? Carefully look at how an outsider would perceive what is being said or implied. Ask yourself, what does Jesus my Lord think about me posting this for the entire world to read? Lastly, if you have decided it meets the appropriate criteria, each writer should be required to attach his/her first and last name, not pseudonym, to it and own it; its amazing how much differently things are said when your own name is on it, and make sure its satirical nature is made more prominent on each article.

    1. Z

      Amen. And in these very circumstances as brothers and sisters in Christ, have we reached out to our offended brothers and sisters and encouraged them to a better course? If not, we are merely laughing and pointing behind their backs and at their expense forgetting that their lives are precious to God as well and He may have the duty for you to reach out to help your brother or sister see the error in his or her way and correct. It would be sad if at the end, The Lord must let you know that in the good intentions this blog may have started with, you managed to dishonor Him. Ask those evaluative questions above, would God laugh with you or is He pained at our hypocrisies and the or jesting on topics that cause Him grief….Barely Adventist = written by committed Adventists? To be honest when I saw the name of this blog first I thought it was written by some person who has become disgruntled within the church and losing faith. Would God co-sign this representation? Be prayerful about this, for if this blog is not consecrated to God and His work, it then can work against it and is ripe for the devil to take hold.

      1. Coco T. Anne Strawbridge

        Please take to heart, Bruce’s and Z’s comments. They were written out of love–for Adventists and non-SDAs. Humor is great. We know that the Bible recommends it. But satire? I think that it can do more harm than good, my friends. The closer we get to Christ’s second coming, the more careful we should be in representing the Seventh-day Adventist truth to the world.
        Since one of our identifiers as Adventists is the Spirit of Prophecy, I was concerned to see what Mrs. White has to say about satire.
        “I was led from room to room occupied by our brethren at that meeting [the 1888 G.C. Session at Minneapolis], and heard that of which every one will one day be terribly ashamed, if it is not until the judgment, when every work will appear in its true light. In the room occupied by you there was a Witness, and in the rooms of others there was a Witness to every remark made,—the ungodly jest, the satire, the sarcasm, the wit; the Lord God of heaven was displeased with you, and with every one who shared in the merriment, and in the hard, unimpressible spirit. An influence was exerted that was Satanic. Some souls will be lost in consequence.—Letter 61, 1893, pp. 3, 4. (To Elder I. D. Van Horn, January 20, 1893.) {8MR 23.1}
        Please, my friends, rethink your position here. It’s not too late to change the theme of your site. You can accomplish great good for the Lord by posting humor without the satire.

    2. kd

      I write this as a heart broken mom whose adult child chose to leave the church. At one time, I may have really gotten a good laugh out of the posts on this site…some are indeed funny, and well-written. However, even though intended for “insiders”, if you truly are committed Adventists, I urge you to follow the advice above and consider how it would read to outsiders or former Adventists looking for justification. Please don’t consider “Bruce” and “Z” (whoever they are) as humor-less critics. I’m struck by the humility and love in the tone of their counsel. Please take it to heart.

    3. Rose

      As an Adventist college student in an otherwise godless environment (I attend a public university), I find this website to be just what the doctor ordered. I understand where you come from, but I have found in my personal experience that many people my age (late teens early 20s) find Adventists to be legalistic, stuckup, cult followers who see the world as a disgusting, horrid place with nothing to offer. While I believe we are in this world not of it, we should embrace a good natured, humorous blog such as this one. If we can’t make fun of ourselves, then we are giving credit to the very rumors being spread about us that we are pious, stoic zealots who don’t know how to take a joke. While I agree it is not for everyone, I for one find it beyond hilarious.

    4. Susan Stormont

      Hi Bruce. I am concerned over your statement that the people you and your wife have been working with ” have done searches on Adventists. I pray, and hope that they will not stumble across this website.” I’ve done a lot of searching into our churches very early years, and some things I have read, I find very unsettling. I am praying for reform and changes for the church. Some “golden calves” that are held onto, I feel, are not golden after all. We can progress with God’s blessing, if the church can admit to, and let go of, what is false, instead of trying to either build on or hide it.

      We should not be afraid, as Christians, to have our church looked into too deeply. If we are, then there is something wrong.

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  5. rusty

    Auntie A! My OCD compels me to mention that you have a redundancy in in the last sentence or your About paragraph above. :)P “…does not does not.” That is all. Thank you: humor is key!

  6. Sarah deMeritt

    Oh how I have needed this……………….for a myriad of reasons. mostly for re-locating from the southern US, living in Australia for a while, and then moving back to the Northeast (NYState) and the legalism has almost done in my soul……………….

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  8. Robert

    Dear Auntie:


    He made Lucifer, who was good, but you would have to say God made sin to, right, cause we can’t create anything?


    He made Lucifer, and made a lake of fire for him and the angels he got to sin, and – even though it’s not made for humans, he is going to fry them too if they don’t give in to Him.

    Why not just have them go to sleep for ever without having to go through all that pain?

    As God, why did he make a universe where all this dreadfully painful stuff goes on, and then didn’t give us a choice as to whether or not we wanted to participate?

    1. Delbert Mock

      Delbert says: Our loving God will unveil His glory to everyone at the end of time. His glory will be life giving to the righteous. At the same time sin cannot exist in God’s presence and it is a natural law that His Glory is a consuming fire to wicked. This will be the saddest time in God’s life ever! Ezekiel 33:11 Say to them, “as surely as I live, declares the sovereign Lord, I TAKE NO PLEASURE IN THE DEATH OF THE WICKED, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die oh house of Israel?” NIV These does not sound like the words of a sadistic God to me!

  9. Connard Rasmussen Jr.

    Your cunningly devised fables really disgust me. I can’t distance myself enough from this type of behavior. I deeply regret wasteing my time reading your blog for the first time this evening. This blog is good example of NAD Adventism. Thank G-d (!!) not all Adventist world divisions are so messed up. Not yet anyway. The Third Angel’s Message calls me to distance myself – which I will. So help me G-d.

    1. Connard: Your self-righteous words really disgust me. I can’t distance myself enough from this type of behavior. I deeply regret wasting my time reading your misspelled vitriol for the first time this afternoon. Your comment is a good example of priggish Adventism. Thank God not all Adventists are so messed up. Not yet anyway. Jesus calls us not to distance ourselves from others, but to love and serve them – even when we disagree. Which I will – so help me God!

  10. David Simon

    You guys should do a peice on Adventist Youth Camps and how rich Physician and Dentist kids get summer jobs year after year after year…at the expense of their impoverished church mates who truely need the financial aid.

  11. Melanie Melashenko

    Disappointed that you removed the Melashenko Family article! We were excited to share it around at a wedding this weekend! From a small part of the Melashenko family, it was funny! Humor is always a risk, keep it up. If you could email it to me, it would be thoroughly enjoyed by the Melashenko Family.

  12. Rebecca

    As someone who spends her days trying to mend the broken places in the church and emphasize the good, loving and caring people in each congregation, it really saddens me to come upon this site. It’s like watching a loved-one being made fun of. The posts come across as sarcastic and disillusioned, not helpful. I think you’re aware of that, or you would not have felt the need to say, “[we] have no interest in tearing down the church.” If only one person laughs at the church because of this blog, you have begun tearing. (The reader may gain more respect for you, but not for the church.) If only one person feels justified in leaving the church (that you are committed to) because of something posted here, the tear has been ripped a little more. The point is, maybe every single person who reads the posts here can handle them, laugh and move on — all but one. Do you really want to be responsible for the one? 1 Corinthians 8:9 ESV “But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.” Being “barely Adventist” seems a little like trying to disassociate yourself from the crazy guy yelling about a big flood, but keeping your foot in the door just in case he was right. It truly does make me sad.

  13. Rosemary

    Anyone uncomfortable with the use of satire to gently point out problems in the human administration of a Godly institution should recall that major reform of many of the most egregious practices of Catholic church officials occurred after and probably as a result of Geoffrey Chaucer’s use of satirical humour in The Canterbury Tales which led to a popular undermining of the corruption of individuals, not of the institution itself. No one can possibly claim that the people of the Adventist church are perfect, and that there are no issues, attitudes or practices that might benefit from scrutiny. You can read the article linked below for more information on Chaucer’s use of satire on the subject of priests, but here is a short quote from the article that seems relevant:

    “Throughout his Canterbury Tales, ‘On the one hand, Chaucer often shows the institutional
    practices of the surrounding culture compromising the values they were originally designed to
    uphold. On the other, he seems to respect those institutions however flawed their practices’
    (Condren 1). Chaucer was not criticizing the entire institution of the Catholic Church, but
    merely some of its officials.”


  14. connie

    “Idol words”, book Education. I see NOTHING funny nor humorous about your blog or whatever you choose to call it. I, along with a commentor, will NOT read your stuff again. One boy on Camporee was crying because you said it was canceled. THAT WAS MEAN AND UNCALLED FOR!!!!!!

  15. MannyNoel

    The reality is, this is an eye opener of being an Adventist. There are conservative, moderate, liberal Adventists who already have different opinions on who will be saved, whether one is a Clapping-jolly-good-fellow or an Amen responder.

  16. George Wright

    If I were not an Adventist, seeing that rediculous post on Facebook, about a couple not kissing, I would be completely turned off by such a message and would want nothing to do with any church that was that rediculous. I did not know it was satire when I read it.

    1. Hal

      I just found the site myself. Fortunately I was warned ahead of time and kinda look at it as “The Onion” for Adventists. However I do have to agree that some of these things are a bit hard for the uninitiated to read and laugh at. If I sent these to my Mormon friends they’d just smile. My Baptist friends laugh and use them as factual stories.

      I think its funny, but not going to make my life any easier either.

  17. Glen

    Hi folks, really enjoyed your posts. The most are equal parts silly, insightful and a celebration of the quirkiness of our Christian culture. All this with a wink to current issues.

    Not everyone gets satire.Might I suggest that you find some way to stress that each “story” is not a factual report? That it’s just a take on an aspect of something (potentially) newsworthy; particularly to Adventists with a sense of humor? You know, a water mark on pictures or something.

    And 2 words to any and all who don’t like what they see here, and think little of those who do:

    That’s ok.

    And 3 words to those who are affected by their rebuke:

    That’s ok too.

  18. Tom

    My viewpoint on this website is that it’s a rather sick/sad way to be humorous. Many of your posts are not damaging in that they don’t point to an individual, just the Adventist lifestyle. However, when you single out an individual, as you did with Doug Bachelor, it can be very damaging. A lot of people don’t read far enough to realize it is just satire, that it isn’t factual or real.

    If someone had a website and made fun of my wife, my mother, or any family member, just for humor, and did so in a degrading or flippant manner I would be rather upset. To do so with God, or in this case a devoted man of God, is even worse. The fact that you don’t provide your names is also a red flag. I fail to understand the purpose for all this. Satire is “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.” synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature.

    “Satire is a technique employed by writers to expose and criticize foolishness …”

    I just don’t think this site is managed by committed Adventists as it claims to be, or should I say not managed by committed followers of Christ. I believe its yet another ploy of Satan where he is discrediting God and God’s people. It serves no valid purpose. I am all in favor of good wholesome humor, but never at the expense of another human being.

    I am first and foremost a Christian. I also happen to be of the “Adventist persuasion”. I speak in an attempt to defend my God, whom I believe does have a sense of humor, but never in a way that damages other people, only to uplift.

    1. Sylvia Stuart

      Tom, I agree with you 100%. Why spend time tearing people down. The Bible and Jesus instructed to build others up and be an encourager. This site is totally dispictable to the Adventist faith. Barely Adventist is the perfect name for the followers! We need to spend out time more constructively because time is short and Satan knows how to distract even good people!

  19. Milla smith

    Please write a story about Ingathering. Many baby boomers “fondly” remember those embarrassing trips through neighborhoods and knocking on doors and soliciting for money, all while following a car with an attached loudspeaker blasting out the Kings’ Heralds singing scratchy Christmas carols. Ouch. The memories.

  20. David Simon

    Ingathering…here are two of my fondest memories. One Church’s pastor I attended in Southern Indiana, wanted to appropriate the proceeds to re-roof the Church rather than use the monies for charitable causes in the community. Often non-perishable foods were collected to be distributed to hungry folks in our community…however our Pastor and Elders felt that any foods that contained “unclean meats”, had to be discarded. (Pork & Beans stands out) My opposition to this on the grounds that it was wastefull, not to mention the recipients were most likely not SDA or Kosher Jews fell on deaf ears!

  21. Ray Powell

    I always find it interesting that when I talk with long-ago friends that when they berate the church for being “judgmental” they don’t realize that they are guilty of the same thing. Reminds me of when we were kids and were told that we shouldn’t point fingers because when we point a finger at someone else we are actually pointing three fingers back at ourselves!

  22. Kathy Jones

    I find your website BarelyAdventist somehow so…. comforting. It’s like I’m immediately among old friends, just being together, passing time, living life, when I read these satires heavy on Sevvy culture – it’s so refreshing and funny and thought-provoking!? I love what you have done here and are doing, I know it’s the right thing at the right time and place. I don’t understand why anyone would feel compelled to quell the free discourse over some of the issues raised – and in such a violent and pointed way aimed at an individual person, either a writer or other collaborator on this website, with insinuations of h-e-double hockey stick and dam nation. I’m a Lover, not a Hater. My conviction compels me to beg anyone that wants to leave a comment here, to please oblige us all and read the rest of the comments first? Kind regards,

  23. Troy

    I do not see anything beneficial by making this kind of satire. Just found your website because of an email I go telling me that Doug Batchelor was deported from Vatican City. I will not be back to this website.

  24. Rosemary

    I see a pattern in the comments. Regarding satire I am going to offer this quote from John Cleese: “… I’m going to say a most outrageous thing, which is that the people who are attracted to my sense of humor do tend to be fairly bright…It’s a more intellectual type of humor because it’s playing with abstract ideas and Python’s got that slightly intelligent side to it that sometimes something that seems completely silly does, in fact, have an idea under it and people who are brighter and better at abstract thinking tend to glom onto that.”

    He is of course referring to Monty Python but as a long time Python fan, a sixth generation Adventist and someone who finds Barely Adventist to be excellent at identifying SDA quirks to lampoon in a non-hurtful way, to be generally fairly amusing with some moments of brilliance, I’d say it applies here too.

  25. Medz

    Satire is to employ mockery, derision, ridicule and to scorn… I don’t know about you but these doesn’t sound like the fruits of the Holy Spirit to me (unless you believed that the Holy Spirit doesn’t have anything to do with your religion).

    Parables and satire are not or ever will be on the same level. God (or the things of God) should not be mocked. Ever heard of the “scorners in the last days?”

  26. Cee Josephsz

    I just happened across your site through facebook, and, like several commentors, thought the stories true, until the Katy Perry’s story. Guess I am not that intelligent. I have read many of the comments, and tend to agree that it is a dangerous course to take, given the biblical warnings of the end-times. I am a third generation liberal Adventist.

  27. Paul Koulakov

    This site serves no true purpose, it confuses and misleads many with its so called humor. Do we not have more important issues to spread ? Please consider carefully, Pastor

  28. Susan Stormont

    Sounded pretty good, Kereece, until you stated that God didn’t create the dinosaurs. God is THE Creator, not A creator. My God of the Bible created the dinosaurs, regardless of what any human may have written or opined to the contrary.

  29. “Please note that the stories on this site are jokes. All characters and incidents appearing in these ‘reports,’ including any comments thereupon, are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or incidents, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (in fact, maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  30. Definition of satire- the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

    I cannot recall Jesus speaking like this or leaving us this example. His words were full of compassion, not satire. Are we truly abiding in Christ? Of so, it is written:

    1 John 2:6 (KJV)
    He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.

    I feel the need to also share: Exodus 20:16 (KJV)
    Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

    This site can be very misleading and indeed has been. I’ve seen some sharing believing in the things mentioned here. You could argue to read your about page before posting, and while true the fault is at the cause. Please stop misleading people. Responsibility rests on this site. Remember we are in the day of atonement and Jesus is coming back soon.

    Let us be more careful with our words please, for air is written: Matthew 12:37 (KJV)
    For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

  31. C. Lesko

    I just would like to comment that so many SDAs post and re-post your articles on Facebook, thinking that they are true stories. Please think of those who do not know that you are being satirical, and think about the harm done to those who believe your stories as real. I just posted to 3 friends’ FB accounts that your haystack article wasn’t true. Scripture talks to us about not harming others by what we do and say. It also says that we will be judged by our words. I’m sure that you will think that I have no sense of humor, which is not the case. Satire can be great when everyone knows that it’s satire. But when the lines become blurred, much damage can be done.

  32. James Gershon

    FIRST time here, Read the BC “bit”. That’ll be the LAST time I read anything on your site without my Depends…..

    p.s. What’s with all the fuss up there ^^^. Don’t folks understand Satire & Humor? Though I guess the world would be really boring if we all thought the same. Cheers to you’s. (I’ve got two more if you need them)

  33. David

    What if a non-Adventist came to this site and saw this. They would just think that we are making fun of this religion and then they would never think about studying Gods word.

  34. JoSheep

    Thank you all so much for your effort in this ministry. The Adventist church has so badly needed this forum to talk about important, and controversial, issues candidly. Your articles bring a lot of fun and joy to the day-to-day, while also opening wounding topics for conversation. Thanks, and I wish you all were my best friends.

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  43. Henry

    How can this site possibly be beneficial to our Adventist church? Or rather, how can this site bring glory and honor to our Lord?

    It is not a site that I will frequent and I will not encourage others to use it and frankly time could be better spent.

  44. Sylvia Stuart

    Henry…I agree with you. It saddens me that people, supposedly of the Adventist faith, are spending their time on such frivoulous discussions. We need to be spending our time winning souls for the Kingdom. Time is short, folks!

  45. Warren W

    I spent virtually all of my educational years in SDA schools (a long time ago). I am not a practicing Adventist at age 67 (almost), but I have many friends, plus relatives who are, so I have never been far away from the SDA church. One thing I know is that merely following the rules is never getting anyone close to heaven….there is a lot more to it. I like satire and enjoyed reading much of this blog. Some of the stories that include marching gave me a good laugh….from my academy days, we always called marching “Adventist dancing”. Let’s face it, the real “Barely Adventist” are those who are so eager to judge.

  46. Michael Ehm

    So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved. I Cor, 10:31

    Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.

    Ephesians 4: 29. – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth.

    The above biblical scriptures were not written for unbelieving christian, but some of whom better things might be expected, need this charge those who claim the excellency of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. How revolting is the tendency in some circles to foul and blasphemous conversation; to profane and obscene jests, songs, and allusions: to feed as it were on moral garbage!

    From Christian mouths no such word should ever issue – it is simply abominable. But that which is good for improvement of the occasion, that it may give grace to them that hear. Speaking should ever bear on improvement or edification, especially on turning passing things to good account. This should be the aim; it does not require speaking to be uniformly grave, but to have an object. It may be quite right to have an enlivening object, but among Christians it should always be such as befits their profession, and tends to help on the exalted objects at which they aim.

    The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

  47. Gary

    Do you know how many Adventist look like fools for believe this garbage that you call satire and humor. It is all lies and you know all liars end up in the Lake of fire

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  49. Will

    We are you fooling?! You guys are 110% Je-su-its! Hiding under satire and interested in nothing but (“WE GET 60,000 VIEWS PER MONTH. WANT TO ADVERTISE?) MONEY! Hahahaha go ahead and censor my comment when it’s all satire (my comment that is) 🙂

  50. Peter Pan

    You like jokes here’s one for ya. You know things are getting crazy at oakwood university church when your pastor keeps inviting people to give concerts at the church, and 99% of the people in the audience can sing better than the person invited to give the concert. Does the pastor need to be reminded that everybody at oakwood church including the college can sing?

  51. Cheri Bennett Cherry

    Thank you so much for this site!! I can only read it for about 20 minutes because of the tears of laughter running down my face, the gasps for breath and the stomach pain from laughing so very hard!! But after a break I have to start reading again! What a great way to end my work week and enjoy “Preparation Day” 🙂 I’m planning on starting on page 81 and reading all of the articles until I get to page 1. (if I survive)
    Turning 62 this year,
    Avid Fan

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  53. OK, I’m an old guy, 79 in a few days, Ph.D. Edinburgh, Guest Student, Heidelberg University, Emeritus Professor of Philosophy, Andrews University. I was three years in a grievance process with the A.U. Administration in the late 80’s and early 90s, and that increased my sense of humor. So, I can add to your subject matter, but where is a category for Adventist Women? We already know how men evolved so their foot easily fits in their mouth. BTW, I’m now manager and owner of adventistalumni.com, an academic site started by mathematician, Bob Wonderly. If you want to keep your brain active, give it a visit.

  54. Jordan River

    I can’t decide if I’m Barely Adventist or Badventist. Ive read everything Ellen wrote and think she was a gutsy woman with a sex problem, but I see that as she got older the problem went away. Ive decided that’s my solution, too. Things that used to bother me when I was 19 or 29 don’t bother me anymore. So I figure if people don’t get the humor here, then they’re probably a bit too old to read it. With that said, please drop the disclaimer about “satire” coz if anyone doesn’t get it from just reading, they’re obviously overeducated or over-sexed. I don’t know which.

    1. Antony

      or just a pathetic sad hypocrite world lover who takes the Lord’s name(adventist) in vain, and will get his part in the lake of fire together with the unbelievers.

  55. Antony

    “The story you just read was “satirical”(satanical?). As in, it wasn’t a real news story.”
    Untruth = Lie =Sin.

    “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all LIARS, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8

    “For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever LOVETH and MAKETH a LIE.”
    Revelation 22:15

    This website is an abomination to the Lord.

  56. SpiritElijah

    Your blog/satire on the kinds of Adventist left me out. I am quite miffed as well I should be. I am supposed to be some kind of Spirit, but I don’t even have one if you can believe that. What did it say? My Bible is too old and hidden under a pile of whatnot. I only remember a few of the words. End time and Elijah. As I remember, he was bipolar and had schizophrenia too. The only reason I don’t have the other 3 of the 5 is I just handle one more ADHD person in my life. Funny about those words. Who was Elijah? And why is here today? Oh, sorry, only his spirit …. you know, the thing I don’t have.

    But this idea just won’t leave me along. What is love anyway?

    Tell the simple fact, I can lay it down using math. You don’t break these laws. They break you. Respect. Trust. Hope. Gratitude. Oh there is more. But lets begin the math lesson with the easy ones first.

  57. Harry

    Two things. 1) A gripe. Why do so many complain and criticize from behind a keyboard. If you don’t like it, go away and don’t ruin it for the rest of us. This isn’t a required class. 2). A request. T-shirt? Been following since the beginning when it was most fun, reading something so you had to go, “huh? what was that? again.” Followed by vicious snorting followed by furious sharing to our friends and loved ones… and didn’t have to have all the Adventist-legaleeze warnings. I want to share your fun to the world! Not SDAs love it!

  58. Joseph

    Did Ellen White Apparition Occur in Paris?
    Millions of Seventh-day Adventists around the globe celebrated what many believed to be a manifestation of Ellen White this past week. The incident reportedly occurred on Wednesday, June 19, on a football pitch in front of tens of thousands of spectators at a major sports stadium in Paris.

    While such a shocking apparition caught many a fundamentalist Adventists off guard, the fact that it occurred in public in front of television cameras gave the story serious legs in church prayer chains and bulletin announcements worldwide. Sister White’s name even appeared in major newspaper headlines around the globe.

    However, hopes were quickly dashed by the General Conference president Ted Wilson, who announced that while it was “certainly an Ellen White, it was likely not the Ellen White, the most translated writer in American history.” Instead, the “an Ellen White” is known to be a member of England women’s national soccer team playing in the FIFA’s Women’s World Cup. She was noted for having scored the only goal against rival Japan in an otherwise meaningless competitive match viewed by many (obviously) drunk and riotous fans with nary a guardian angel to be seen.

    One Adventist, Roy J. Steele, says, “When I saw the headlines that Ellen White had scored a game-winning goal against a bunch of Buddhists, I thought, ‘Is there a better way to herald the coming of Jesus than to take it to a bunch of pagans?’ I was seriously stoked.”

    However, Mr. Steele admitted that he had suffered a great disappointment after learning the cold hard truth and had regretted selling his farm and materials goods for pennies on the dollar at eBay.

    Wilson did say that while is “was unlikely an actual manifestation of the noted Adventist prophet,” members of the church could use the opportunity to broach the subject of the spirit of prophecy with friends and family interested in the worldly sport of half-dressed women’s soccer.

  59. Dave Reynolds

    After looking at the Little Richard one you put out I was reminded of something a friend of mine told me in high school. He claimed that Jim Morrison of The Doors, went to San Pasquale Academy and to Andrews University, and made reference to that in his live opening to his song Break On Through, where he says, “When I was back in Seminary School a man put forth the proposition…” Recently on looking through Morrison’s bio in Wikipedia, there is no evidence to support my friend’s claim, but you could certainly have some real fun with that, if you are looking for new material. At the time I had believed my friend as he was really into the rock scene, and played in his own rock band. He even had some little know recordings of some the world’s most famous guitarists jamming together in a studio in London. It is only when preparing to write this to you that I discovered there is no data in his bio that I could find that supports the claim. But have fun with it anyway.

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