Laodicean Constipated From Spiritual Over-Feeding


ADVENTIST WORLD — Laodicean Adventist Luke Waurm reported to his local emergency room earlier today complaining of severe constipation. When asked what he had been eating, Waurm admitted to binge watching Hope Channel shows and sitting through endless church gatherings hoping to get blessed. Waurm, who hadn’t so much as lifted a service-minded finger in years, was doubled over from the crazy discomfort of endless buffets of spiritual fastfood and microwavable veggie chicken soup for the soul. As he was dismissed with a bag of laxatives, he was given strict doctor’s orders to introduce the roughage of personal Bible study and some food bank volunteering into his spiritual diet.

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  1. richeerich

    Probably all those SDA pot luck meals. That’s enough to give anybody digestives problems. Hey, Lukie-Try some Little Debbies. That will get the “spirit” in you a movin’. Works for me!! If that don’t work. try my wife’s old time Nuteena veggie loaf with real mayo & real eggs. Woe iz me!!!

  2. Marlene Eichelberg

    Please ,someone that is rational ,stop this horrible posting each week, i t is getting to be more and more sacrilegious week by week. Shame on you, take it to the bar with your buddies and laugh over it there, but not on a nationwide media op. they are not even funny.

  3. Larry

    Marlene E.
    Lighten up,

    Barely Adventist is the best thing that every happened to Adventism. The only problem with it is, it shows that many Adventists have little or no sense of humor.

    Just because it sometimes makes fun of the inconsistency’s and some of the abnormal/non-biblical beliefs and practices of Adventism doesn’t make it sacrilegious! Making fun of Jesus or God never happens here, now that would be sacrilegious. Our church is not God, even though it may try to represent itself as God.

    If its so bad, why are you reading it?

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