Pews Reinforced To Account For Coronavirus Overeating

ADVENTIST WORLD — Pews across Adventism are being retrofitted with supports to be able to handle substantially heavier members that have spent the coronavirus crisis overeating.

Use with caution.

Denominational pew safety experts have estimated members will weigh at least 28% more as they return to church after the lockdown.

“Who knows, we could just keep adding to that number,” said Joe Creaky, associate assistant to the director of the denomination’s pew support department. “We Adventists have a way of adding to our fundamental base weight over time.”

Creaky reminded Adventist leaders that just because members have been cut off from potlucks for a while doesn’t mean anyone has embraced moderation over the lockdown.

“At least at potluck there were people keeping tabs on how many times you circled back to the Rice Crispie treats,” said Creaky.

“Lately there’s been nobody stopping you from going to town on the whole tray,” he added, citing first-hand experience.


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  1. Marlene Eichelberg

    I hang my head in shame each week when I get these, many people t hat are not SDA can read these and it is a total embarrassment, they are getting nastier and nastier and without shame. Shame on those who think they might be funny.

  2. Jay A

    Laughter is the best medicine- isn’t it? Won’t non Adventists be relieved that we don’t have to take ourselves so seriously? I believe is a treasure to be enjoyed! ; )

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