Facebook terms of service inspire fresh draft of GC compliance document

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Recent congressional obsession with Facebook’s extremely lengthy and confusing terms of service has reportedly inspired General Conference officials to produce a fresh draft Read more […]

GC refuses to own shares in Coca Cola but has investments in Weapons Industry #wishitweresatire

Today we are running a story we wish were satire: SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Norwegian Union of the Adventist Church has appealed to the General Conference to withdraw it’s investments in weapons Read more […]

GC tests ballistic missile capable of reaching “anywhere in the Pacific Union Conference”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A statement from the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church confirmed that it had tested a ballistic missile this afternoon “capable of reaching anywhere Read more […]

Old-boy network to occupy second floor of GC building as NAD moves out

SILVER SPRING, Md. — An old-boy network is busy packing glass ceiling schematics and immense influence into boxes for a move into the General Conference building later this month. The network Read more […]

General Conference clarifies: It’s “AD-ven-tist” not “Ad-VEN-tist”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Earlier today, General Conference linguists brought clarity to a matter that has plagued Adventism for decades: the correct way to pronounce the word “Adventist.” “The Read more […]

GC Executive Committee adds itself to US presidential ballot

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an eleventh-hour move that has racked up an astronomical printing bill, the General Conference Executive Committee of the Adventist Church has added itself to the 2016 Read more […]