SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an absolute first for the General Conference, a woman has been ordained in the building. Vice President For Anachronisms, Gammal Gubbe, performed the ordination in Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. —Â Inland Empire residents looking to get in shape for the new year need look no further than a Loma Linda University boot camp that forces participants to run like Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Friends and relatives of the Hopplös family have been roped into holding them accountable to their New Year’s resolution of making it to time on church once in 2020. Read more […]
COLUMBIA, Md. — Citing a record number of complaints from single Adventists claiming they have no romantic prospects at their local church, the North American Division recently opened the world’s Read more […]
Adventist World — Bad news: known for being a thoroughly judgy dude, your local head deacon has just told you that he is going to “pray for you.” It is abundantly clear that this is the purest Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This evening the Worship Committee of Joyful House Fellowship voted to impeach the congregation’s senior drummer, Des Masiado. The vote brought to a close a months-long Read more […]
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — A La Sierra University religion professor has denounced Santa Clause as a complete legalist after reviewing the North Pole resident’s criteria for giving gifts. Dr. Sola Read more […]
Telluride, Colo. — Alarm bells rang all over Adventist academia this morning as a prominent denominational theologian was spotted flying down a slippery slope in Telluride. A flock of commentators Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Rez Allusion, a middle-aged Pathfinder club director who packed on a few too many over Thanksgiving, has vowed to start faithfully abiding by NEWSTART health principles as Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building has joined the festive season by decorating each floor with an impressive amount of red tape. Feeling the tithe parity Read more […]
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