Low Blow: Judgy Deacon Says He’ll “Pray For You”

Not cool

Adventist World — Bad news: known for being a thoroughly judgy dude, your local head deacon has just told you that he is going to “pray for you.”

It is abundantly clear that this is the purest form of insult known to this pew warrior who enjoys nothing more than finding fault in the lifestyle decisions of his fellow church members.

Although it is not clear what exact transgression of yours he will be praying about, your mind races to all kinds of possibilities:

Did he see you going through a Starbucks drive-thru? Is he concerned about the drum track that accompanied your special music last Sabbath? Or did you under-season your Special K Loaf potluck contribution today?

It’s impossible to know but you cross your fingers he doesn’t bring up his new prayer burden at this coming Wednesday night prayer meeting.

As a pre-emptive move you place yourself on the AV crew rota for the next few weeks to kill his mic if he mentions you by name.

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One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    The only job description I know for a Deacon is to collect the offerings and open&close sanctuary doors. That’s it!! Praying for you is the job of the Elders. Deacons-get it right-stay with the collection plates and door operations and your job is safe forever! MAGA-Make Adventism Great Again @ Indy 2020

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