SLIDESHOW: Time Of Trouble Essentials
There’s been a lot of talk about the End Times in Adventist circles lately. We’ve put together a sideshow of some essential items to keep in mind for you preppers out there. Check out our list and Read more […]
Category: Prophecy
Nashville Residents Just Happy To Be Alive
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — As the clock struck midnight, a van full of residents of Nashville wearily began the drive back to their entirely undamaged city on July 19, happy to greet another day by Read more […]
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Takeaway From Distracted Evangelistic Campaign Attendee: Miller Lites Were Greatly Disappointing In 1844
Image credit: MobiusDaXter – File:Kenworth United Beverage HTS-30D pic5.jpg RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Interviewed immediately after attending an Adventist online evangelistic campaign from his living Read more […]
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Loma Linda Boot Camp Makes You Run Like It’s The Time Of Trouble
LOMA LINDA, Calif. —Â Inland Empire residents looking to get in shape for the new year need look no further than a Loma Linda University boot camp that forces participants to run like Read more […]
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Sharpie Used On Prophetic Chart
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the second time in a week, it appears that Oval Office Sharpies have been used to alter illustrations. This time, a far more cheerful, pink color was used. And instead Read more […]
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Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers
Mole Hill, Tenn. — Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in “luxury, prophecy-savvy design” is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more […]
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Boris Johnson Vows To Fulfill Daniel Prophecy As PM
LONDON, England — Boris Johnson, Britain’s new Prime Minister, has committed to wasting no time in hastening the fulfillment of Daniel’s Nebuchadnezzar Statue prophecy in regards to modern-day Read more […]
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iPhone Designer Jony Ive Leaves Apple To Fix Adventist Prophetic Charts
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Sir Jony Ive, the famed designer of the iMac, the iPod and the iPhone, is leaving Apple after decades of service to, in his own words, “make Adventist prophetic charts less Read more […]
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Uber Adds “Flee to Hills” Button for Time of Trouble
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Ridesharing platform Uber has added a “flee to the hills” button for Adventist customers aiming to escape the Time of Trouble. The firm’s leadership said that the button Read more […]
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Liberal Adventist Can’t Find Revelation
Loma Linda, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of Revelation in his freshly dusted-off paraphrase of Read more […]
