Liberal Adventist Can’t Find Revelation

Sending out an SOS

Loma Linda, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of Revelation in his freshly dusted-off paraphrase of a paraprase of The Message.

With beads of sweat forming on his brow, Riverside has so far refused to admit defeat and consult the book’s table of contents as he frantically opens it to random places hoping that he will stumble across the book that everybody else in his small group is already busy discussing.

At press time, Riverside has switched tactics and decided to instead scan the scriptures for pictures of beasts or, at the very least, an Amazing Facts prophecy timeline to get him closer to home.

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