CDC Labels Hymnals Super Spreaders
ATLANTA, Ga. — Adventist hymnals are headed for the dumpsters after a statement released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention calling the volumes “super spreaders.” The CDC Read more […]
Category: Adventist Music
Adventist Service Zoom Bombed By Drummer
Amen Tumbleweed, Tenn. — Members of Gentle Whisper Adventist Church were devastated last Sabbath as their weekly Zoom service was attacked by what head elder, Sal Encio, described as “a malicious Read more […]
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“Jesus Loves The Little Children” Finally Recognized As Racist
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Sabbath Schools will no longer sing the chorus ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ after what relieved members have described as a long-overdue acknowledgement Read more […]
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Area Adventist Kicked Out Of Zoom Church For Clapping
BOOMBOX, Mich. — Local Adventist Brent Krisma is on the hunt for a new online church service after last Sabbath’s broadcast from his home congregation went sideways. Krisma had been so moved Read more […]
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Worship Committee Votes To Impeach Church Drummer
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This evening the Worship Committee of Joyful House Fellowship voted to impeach the congregation’s senior drummer, Des Masiado. The vote brought to a close a months-long Read more […]
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BLACKPINK Releases “Favorite Adventist Hymns” Album
SEOUL, Korea — Fresh off the news that their music video Ddu-Du Ddu-Du was the first K-pop video to reach 1 billion views on YouTube, South Korean girl group BLACKPINK has announced that their Read more […]
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Music Pastor Job Hunting After Playing Baby Shark During Children’s Offering
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Bebo Greenley, who until recently was music pastor at Heavenly Waters Adventist Church in Berrien Springs, is on the hunt for fresh job leads after being fired last Read more […]
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“Hakuna Matata” Chosen As Oshkosh Pathfinder Camporee Theme Song
OSHKOSH, Wis. — Organizers for the fast-approaching Oshkosh, Wisconsin-based Pathfinder Camporee have selected an unusual theme song for the event. Hakuna Matata, a tune from the much-loved Read more […]
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Pacific Union to Ordain Female Drummers
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — In a groundbreaking statement this morning, Pacific Union Conference leaders announced a decision to commence ordination of female worship band drummers in the region. The Read more […]
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Liberal Adventist Would Feel More “Blessed” With Song Service Smoke Machine
PASADENA, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Lovey Dovey, has written an emoji-filled social media plea to the Southern Californian Conference decrying the complete absence of smoke machines in local Read more […]
