“Jesus Loves The Little Children” Finally Recognized As Racist

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Sabbath Schools will no longer sing the chorus ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ after what relieved members have described as a long-overdue acknowledgement Read more […]

Music Pastor Job Hunting After Playing Baby Shark During Children’s Offering

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Bebo Greenley, who until recently was music pastor at Heavenly Waters Adventist Church in Berrien Springs, is on the hunt for fresh job leads after being fired last Read more […]

“Hakuna Matata” Chosen As Oshkosh Pathfinder Camporee Theme Song

OSHKOSH, Wis. — Organizers for the fast-approaching Oshkosh, Wisconsin-based Pathfinder Camporee have selected an unusual theme song for the event. Hakuna Matata, a tune from the much-loved Read more […]

Liberal Adventist Would Feel More “Blessed” With Song Service Smoke Machine

PASADENA, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Lovey Dovey, has written an emoji-filled social media plea to the Southern Californian Conference decrying the complete absence of smoke machines in local Read more […]