Bernie Sanders Proposes Student Missionary Pay For All Americans

AMERICA — Leading Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders made headlines today by pushing for Adventist student missionary pay for all Americans. Claiming that the new universal Read more […]

Epcot Center Visits Now Count As Overseas Mission

SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC Missions strategists have confirmed that visits to Orlando’s Epcot Center satisfy all the requirements for overseas mission as the place has a “super international feel Read more […]

Adventist family prayerfully searching for tropical island with stunning beaches for “mission trip”

ATLANTA, Ga. — All five members of the Kostoso family have spent the last several days in prayer and sincere online research as they have attempted to find a gorgeous island with perfect white Read more […]

Maranatha teams deploy to rebuild churches devastated by last year’s shoddy workmanship

Hundreds of Maranatha volunteers are deplaning in exotic countries the world over, bound for crumbling church buildings that they just built last summer. The teams have been summoned by dozens Read more […]

Ted Wilson retires from GC Presidency, takes up church construction

LA ROMANA, Dominican Republic — “I’m done with office work,” explained Pastor Ted Wilson from his perch at the top of some scaffolding. A natural handyman, Wilson gave up his role as General Read more […]

Southern to send all slackers as student missionaries

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University unveiled bold plans to send all of their confirmed “slacker” students oversees for year-long mission assignments. Lazy students have been Read more […]

Locals beg church construction missionaries to stay home

Locals at Maranatha construction sites worldwide have launched a global We Got This Campaign, urging missionaries to stay home. The surprising action comes on the heels of a report of Maranatha Read more […]