BREAKING: Trump Directed Southern’s Campus Safety To Spy On Biden

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Recently-surfaced Oval Office call transcripts that were declassified this morning show that President Donald Trump directed Campus Safety officers at Southern Adventist Read more […]

Homeland Security Secretary Resigns to Focus on Curfew Enforcement at Southern

WASHINGTON, DC – This week, US Homeland Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen resigned her position after 16 months on the often controversial job of deploying Trump-era security tactics aimed at keeping Read more […]

Southern Declares State of Emergency as Marriage Rate Dips

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University has declared a State of Emergency after what administration described as a “troubling drop in marriage rates among our students.” The school’s Read more […]

Southern to include wedding expenses in graduation fees

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. —- A press release from Southern Adventist University has announced that in order to “streamline what often turns out to be nearly simultaneous events,” the university Read more […]

Southern’s Religion faculty busted for watching Star Wars in theater

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Faculty members of Southern Adventist University’s School of Religion are facing formal disciplinary action after being caught watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi en masse Read more […]

Southern students meet and marry within first month of school

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Two students have met and married within the first month of the new school year at Southern Adventist University. “This is a record, even for Southern,” read a university Read more […]

Trump phones wiretapped with tech invented by Southern to spy on students

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has released actual details on how Trump Tower phones were allegedly wiretapped by the Obama administration. “The technology used had been deployed Read more […]

Southern’s Daniel and Revelation scholars say Falcons Super Bowl win is prophesied

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Biblical prophecy experts from Southern Adventist University released a formal statement saying the Atlanta Falcons are prophesied to win the 2017 Super Bowl. “For the Read more […]

Southern freshman flying to school must pay for extra bags

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Southern Adventist University freshman Demas Yado arrived at Sacramento International Airport today wondering if she had forgotten to pack anything for school. The aspiring Read more […]