North American Division Renamed Breadbasket
SILVER SPRING, Md. — As part of a pro-unity re-branding exercise for the regions of the Adventist Church worldwide, the antiquated “divisions” term will be scrapped. “It doesn’t do much for Read more […]
Category: Adventist Culture
Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?” As Read more […]
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Vatican Charging Adventists $666 For Tourist Visa
Vatican City — Adventists hoping to visit the Vatican are being charged a new “Theological Reciprocity Visa” fee costing $666. The fee allows Adventists free access to the historical sights Read more […]
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ABC Stores Announce Sale On Gold, Frankincense And Myrrh
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist Book Centers everywhere are featuring a Christmas sale of gold, frankincense and myrrh products. All wise Adventists are invited to stock up on items from the Read more […]
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Members To Fill Out Report Cards For Pastors’ Wives
ADVENTIST WORLD – As of next Sabbath, Adventists will be able to officially grade their pastor’s wife using custom-made report cards. Members will judge all kinds of things about this highly Read more […]
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BREAKING: Trump Directed Southern’s Campus Safety To Spy On Biden
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Recently-surfaced Oval Office call transcripts that were declassified this morning show that President Donald Trump directed Campus Safety officers at Southern Adventist Read more […]
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Tower of Babel Completed Thanks To Stirring Rendition of “Love in Any Language”
TODAY in Ancient Mesopotamia — Builders that had been slaving away at the tower of Babel hit what could generously be described as a “communication snag” earlier in the morning when they discovered Read more […]
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Epcot Center Visits Now Count As Overseas Mission
SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC Missions strategists have confirmed that visits to Orlando’s Epcot Center satisfy all the requirements for overseas mission as the place has a “super international feel Read more […]
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Hope Channel To Host Democratic Presidential Debate
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Due to a last-minute scheduling challenge, Hope Channel will be hosting tonight’s Democratic presidential debate instead of CBS. The Adventist channel plans to break Read more […]
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Adventists required to provide hints regarding nature of unspoken prayer requests
Adventist World — Adventists making unspoken prayer requests will now be required to provide hints as to the nature of these mysterious petitions to the curious crowd around them. Whether on Read more […]
