Life-Saving Grape Surgery Performed at Loma Linda

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A critically injured grape was rushed to Loma Linda University Medical Center this afternoon after a terrible fall from a local kitchen counter. Already dangerously close Read more […]

Adventist liberal passionate about open-mindedness as long as it doesn’t challenge his opinions

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist Liberal Max Chellin has spent much of today in full-on productivity mode, mouthing off in all caps online about the extreme narrow-mindedness of conservatives Read more […]

Pacific Press publishes dictionary of vegetarian curse words

NAMPA, Idaho — “Rats,” “shucks,” “poop,” “fiddlesticks, “phooey,” and “son of a Baptist preacher” are just a sampling of the 144,000 church potluck-friendly expletives published in a comprehensive Read more […]

GC organizes Wakanda Union Conference after ‘Black Panther’ screening

SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC administrators have organized the Wakanda Union Conference in a record-breaking 24-hour flurry of bureaucratic activity. The decision to create the new union happened Read more […]