Independent review declares GC San Antonio complete fiasco. Recommends redo.

SILVER SPRING, Md. — An independent review of the 2015 San Antonio-based General Conference Session has declared it a “complete fiasco.” The review by the Adventist Anti-Corruption Bureau Read more […]

Nobel Peace Prize awarded to Adventist Michael Ryan for moderating GC Women’s Ordination Debate

OSLO, Norway — In a surprise announcement, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has announced that for the first time a Seventh-day Adventist has been awarded the much-lauded Nobel Peace Prize. Explaining Read more […]

New General Conference slogan: “Unity Over Conscience”

Silver Spring, MD — General Conference leaders seeking a catchy slogan to power their efforts until the next GC elections have found one they are convinced has a fun ring to it: Unity Over Conscience. “What Read more […]

Union College to build student center from Legos

LINCOLN, Neb. — In a crowded field of Adventist colleges competing for attention, Union College may just have the summer’s trump card: the school is breaking ground on a stand-alone student Read more […]

Slacker GC San Antonio delegates face pay cuts over skipped meetings

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “Delegates who played hooky during the San Antonio GC business meetings are about to get their comeuppance,” warned General Conference Treasury spokesperson Will Butcher. Read more […]

Adventist Church Seeks Most Boring City Possible for Future GC Session

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Plagued by delegate participation falling by half in sessions not dealing with hot-button issues, Seventh-day Adventist leadership is seeking the most boring city possible Read more […]

GC Adventists refuse to leave, crown San Antonio “Adventist Salt Lake”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Halfway through the day after the closing ceremonies of the General Conference Session, tens of thousands of Adventists have announced their intent to stay in San Antonio. Although Read more […]

Ben Carson to announce Doug Batchelor as running mate at GC closing ceremony

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — In his largest campaign rally to date, ┬áSeventh-day Adventist former neurosurgeon and current United States presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson is set to officially announce Read more […]

Thousands of single Adventists furiously flirting on last GC day

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — With the doors of the ark-like Alamodome about to close for good on the San Antonio General Conference Session, single Adventists are swarming around each other in an all-out Read more […]

San Antonio vote defines “future GC delegate” as “male Adventist with midlife crisis”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — On the last day of General Conference Session business meetings, a landslide majority of delegates voted to tighten the definition of “GC delegate” to “male Adventist with Read more […]