Adventists flee to wilderness with trailer of FriChik, forget can opener

BITTERROOT MOUNTAINS, Mont. — A band of Adventists that fled to the Bitterroots range of the Rockies with a giant haul of FriChik has, upon arrival, learned that they forgot to bring a can opener. Read more […]

Haystacks fans horrified as GC delegates name Special K Loaf “only Adventist staple”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Panicked shrieks and an as-of-yet unconfirmed tally of fall injuries greeted a vote by stone-cold General Conference Session delegates to crown Special K Loaf as the “only Read more […]

GC San Antonio to feature vegetarian-only preferred seating

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Event organizers have announced that this summer’ s General Conference Session will feature preferred seating for vegetarians. Floor seating close to the stage in the Read more […]

Adventists: Ben Carson punished for eating ham by losing tooth

BREAKING NEWS GREENVILLE, S.C. — Adventists around the United States are pointing to an incident today involving Adventist presidential candidate Ben Carson as a reason not to eat ham. Read more […]

Will Ferrell credits Little Debbie’s with his conversion to Adventism

BURBANK, Calif. — Three days after introducing Jimmy Fallon and America to his new Little Debbie persona on “The Tonight Show,” Will Ferrell shocked the Adventist world with the announcement of Read more […]

Adventist Pastor dismissed after posting Sabbath chicken wings pic

  HOLLAND, Mich. — “It all happened so fast,” said former Oak Lane Associate Pastor, Charlie Nix. Last weekend, the relatively new arrival to Michigan Conference, posted a picture of Read more […]

17 awesomely Adventist substitutes

Adventists have a long list of occasionally delicious and frequently confusing substitutes for food, drink and other facets of mainstream life. Here’s our stab at a cheat sheet to the main culprits: 1) Read more […]

Study: Carob eaters face a long, cruel existence

Life without chocolate is nasty, brutish and long… LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers behind a 30-year study tracking the health of self-confessed carob eaters report that consumption of Read more […]