General Conference bans Stripples for having the appearance of bacon

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has banned Adventist consumption of the popular vegetarian bacon substitute, Stripples. The Worthington product was disallowed Read more […]

Adventists flee to wilderness with trailer of FriChik, forget can opener

BITTERROOT MOUNTAINS, Mont. — A band of Adventists that fled to the Bitterroots range of the Rockies with a giant haul of FriChik has, upon arrival, learned that they forgot to bring a can opener. Read more […]

San Antonio mayor declares city meat-free zone during GC Session

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — “I realize this will be an adjustment,” said San Antonio Mayor Ivy Taylor, announcing to local reporters that she was declaring San Antonio a meat-free zone for the period Read more […]

Pre-blessed Big Franks to hit stores

NASHVILLE, N. Car. — The owners of the Worthington / Loma Linda brand are set to test a pre-blessed version of the popular Big Franks veggie links. “Today’s Adventist consumers are so busy we Read more […]