SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has banned Adventist consumption of the popular vegetarian bacon substitute, Stripples. The Worthington product was disallowed because it “gave the appearance of bacon/evil,” according to a press statement issued at a GC breakfast meeting this morning.
A number of formal complaints have already been filed over the ban as Adventist academy and college food service departments claim they will lose significant amounts of money due to Stripples inventory that they have purchased and can now no longer use.
As news of the ban spread across the Adventist world, Hope Channel correspondent Big Frank reported “significant wailing and a grinding gnashing of the teeth in Adventist meccas across North America.”
“There isn’t a dry eye to be seen from Berrien Springs to Silver Spring after the Stripples announcement,” said Frank. “Word has it the administrators who made the announcement only did so after a blowout buffet breakfast of Stripples.”