Ted Wilson disfellowships Adventist mafia members

Ted to Adventist Mafia: "You're DONE."
Ted to Adventist Mafia: “You’re DONE.”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Taking his cue from the recent move by Pope Francis to excommunicate Italian Mafia members, General Conference President Ted Wilson made a sweeping announcement today disfellowshipping all Adventist mafia families effective immediately.

Wilson is said to be especially targeting crime families in areas of high-density Adventist populations.

“I want to send a strong message to Adventist mafia both near and far that time’s up on their shenanigans. No more shady volunteering as Church Treasurer only to rob the World Church. No more jacking up the prices of camp-outs for our little Pathfinders. No more offering appeals for your five-star hotel mission trips to Maui.”

Wilson said that he was “drawing a line in the sand” and that he would seek to make an example of American offenders before disfellowshipping perpetrators across the Adventist world.

The president’s office will sending embossed “STATUS: DISFELLOWSHIPPED” certificates to organized Adventist crime families in the Loma Linda/Riverside areas as well as several Berrien Springs units, a few Collegedale offenders and select healthcare execs across the sprawling networks of over-priced Adventist hospitals.


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  1. slavko.M.

    I do not trast you anything any moor.One more game.Shame on you.What is with David Dennis.If any in GC is clean I apologise.You have wrong persons on the right places.

  2. Jerrid

    Ted is doing as the BIBLE GOD says! Amen. Study and farm, or take care of self and others but do not hurt by high prices. the church is being infiltrated as never before, maybe this is why the wicked in it will perish by Gods angels before the spirit is poured out and Jesus blood on the Ark lid over the precious Law of Heaven is revealed against the Sunday blue laws, and satans death threats.

    “After the building of the tabernacle was completed, Moses examined all the work, and compared it with the pattern, and directions he had received of God, and he saw that every part of it agreed with the pattern; and he blessed the people. God gave a pattern of the ark to Moses, with special directions how to make it. The ark was made to contain the tables of stone, on which God engraved, with His own finger, the Ten Commandments. It was in form like a chest, and was overlaid and inlaid with pure gold. It was ornamented with crowns of gold round about the top. The cover of this sacred chest was the mercy-seat, made of solid gold. On each end of the mercy-seat was fixed a cherub of pure solid gold. Their faces were turned toward each other, and were looking reverentially downward toward the mercy-seat, which represents all the heavenly angels looking with interest and reverence to the law of God deposited in the ark in the heavenly sanctuary. These cherubs had wings. One wing of each angel was stretched forth on high, while the other wing of each angel covered their forms. The ark of the earthly sanctuary was the pattern of the true ark in heaven. There, beside the heavenly ark, stand living angels, at either end of the ark, each with one wing overshadowing the mercy-seat, and stretching forth on high, while the other wings are folded over their forms in token of reverence and humility.” (Spirit of Prophecy. Vol.1, 272)

    “But the second temple had not equaled the first in magnificence. No cloud of glory, no fire from heaven, descended upon its altar. The ark, the mercy seat, and the tables of the testimony were not to be found there. No voice from heaven made known to the priest the will of God. The second temple was not honored with the cloud of God’s glory, but with the living presence of One who was God Himself manifest in the flesh. The “Desire of all nations” had come to His temple when the Man of Nazareth taught and healed in the sacred courts. But Israel had put from her the proffered Gift of heaven. With the humble Teacher who had that day passed out from its golden gate, the glory had forever departed from the temple. Already were the Saviour’s words fulfilled: “Your house is left unto you desolate.” (Haggai 2:3-10;Matthew 23:38) (Great Controversy,ch.1)

    “Among the righteous still in Jerusalem, to whom had been made plain the divine purpose, were some who determined to place beyond the reach of ruthless hands the sacred ark containing the tables of stone on which had been traced the precepts of the Decalogue. This they did. With mourning and sadness they secreted the ark in a cave, where it was to be hidden from the people of Israel and Judah because of their sins, and was to be no more restored to them. That sacred ark is yet hidden. It has never been disturbed since it was secreted.” Prophets and Kings , 453. (1915-17) (Spiritual Gifts, vol.4, 114,115. 1864; Spirit of Prophecy, vol.1, 414. 1870)

    Jeremiah has the last knowledge of the Ark and was in Jerusalem.
    “They shall say no more, The ark of the covenant of the LORD: neither shall it come to mind: neither shall they remember it; neither shall they visit it; neither shall that be done any more.” (Jereimiah 3:16; Jeremiah 40:1-5; 52:12) Ramah is a city about 5 miles from Jerusalem. He knew or helped it to be secreted in Zedekiahs queries.

    Jesus blood fell into the cave containing the holies.
    “Christ fulfilled still another feature of the type. “His visage was so marred more than any man, and His form more than the sons of men; so shall He sprinkle many nations.” In the Temple service, when the animal brought as a sacrifice was slain, the high priest, clothed in white robes, caught in his hand the blood that gushed forth, and cast it in the direction of the tabernacle or Temple. This was done seven times, as an expression of perfection. So Christ,the great antitype, Himself both high priest and victim, clothed with His own spotless robes of righteousness, after giving His life for the world, cast the virtue of His offering, a crimson current, in the direction of the Holy Place, reconciling man to God through the blood of the cross. (Manuscript 101, 1897, 11,12. (“The True High Priest,” September, 1897.) (Manuscript Releases Volume Four [Nos. 210-259] (12MR 397.1) (Manuscript Releases Volume Twelve [Nos. 921-999]

    The verse she quoted above reveals the astonished peoples and rulers expressions when this discovery of Jesus blood with the Law is revealed.
    “As many were astonied at thee; his visage was so marred more than any man, and his form more than the sons of men: So shall he sprinkle many nations; the kings shall shut their mouths at him: for that which had not been told them shall they see; and that which they had not heard shall they consider.” (Isaiah 52:14-15)
    Jesus with his spotless robes of righteousness was bleeding from seven wounds in the direction of the cave that contained the furniture of the holy rooms. Both feet, hands, head, back, side, were wounded.
    Leviticus 16:2,12-17 mentions the place of the ark as an holy place. The Law being revealed with Jesus blood shows approval and as a sealing touch as his name is written in the fourth command and is now sealed forever with His blood. “Thy kingdom come thy Will be done in earth as it is in Heaven,.. Where your treasure is there your Heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:10,21) We are Jesus treasure, His ultimate goal is with his Fathers Law. His blood from his Heart is with his Fathers treasured Law.

    The earthly Law of God will be brought out and revealed at and Against the Sunday Blue Laws.
    “By these words Christ has placed this matter beyond all the sophistry of human conjecture. ‘And He Christ gave unto Moses, when He had made an end of communing with him upon Mount Sinai, two tables of testimony, tables of stone, written with the finger of God’(Exodus 31:18). Nothing written on those tables could be blotted out. The precious record of the law was placed in the ark of the testimony and is still there, safely hidden from the human family. But in God’s appointed time He will bring forth these tables of stone to be a testimony to all the world against the disregard of His commandments and against the idolatrous worship of a counterfeit Sabbath.” (Manuscript Releases, vol.8, 100.3) (Nos. 526-663) (1 BC 1109.2) (SDA Bible Commentary vol.1) (Manuscript 122, 1901)

    1. Charles

      From the length and serious tone of your post I’m assuming you took this seriously?

      Please note the “Adventist satire and humor” note at the top right corner of the page.

  3. Richard Mills

    Would this “disfellowshipping of SDA Mafia” extend to the companies that make the so called vega meats? $5.00-6.00 a small can is a bit too much. I can get a vegaburger at Burger King for less than that! Fuddrukerrs makes a delicious healthful vegaburger. Worthington Mafia?? Kellogg’s Mafia? Fahgedaboutit. Cementa shoes for you. Swim wit da fishes. Woe is me!!

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