Check out what we dug up from the archives:)
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# 5 – In a certain church, I remember kneeling on a hard floor (no carpet) while a certain elder droned on and on nearly every week. I guess he had never read “when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words” (Matt. 6:7).
28 IS THE SHORT LIST.
1844 IS THE FULL LIST.
LEAVE IT TO MAN (SDA CHURCH) TO WANT TO COMPLICATE GOD’S LAWS. WE REALLY NEED NO FUNDAMENTAL IRRITATIONS TO BEGIN WITH.
Prayers should never be longer than 2 hours and 58 minutes.
PRAYERS SHOULD NOT BE HEARD OR SEEN BY OTHERS….. PER THE BIBLE.
The addiction has to do with the power of the baptismal vows – the solemn promise whereby an individual at first commits self then binds self to a hierarchical church. A vow to a church creates a bond whose ties become more binding as time goes by. The ties of Adventism are its doctrines. Fealty to the “message” brings down a blindness. In turn it makes its presence felt by the member who repeats jingoisms such as “we have the truth!” This jingoism evolves into a fossilized presence impossible to detach from. Members use it to filter all information about every aspect of life. Their tolerance for new ideas is severely impaired. Hear them in Sabbath School. It’s a maintenance rehearsal. Rarely is does one hear an exegesis of Bible texts.
If your comment was intended to be contemplated by thinking Adventists, it won’t happen. Because “thinking Adventist” is an oxymoron. I guess you figured that out already.
Did you hear about the psychotic guy who was committed into an insane asylum, and then he was allowed to vote for Hellary Clinton? Apparently that has happened thousands of times.
Did you hear about the guy who got a brain injury and became brain-dead, and he was still allowed to vote for Donald Dump? That has happened multiple thousands of times.
It’s been a while since we had a good President. The last really good President was George Washington.
Amen, Bro. Gingivitis!
B R E A K I N G N E W S!
Trump Selects G.C. Leader Ted Wilson as V.P. Running Mate
Trump Tower, N.Y.– Today Donald Trump, presumptive Republican nominee, announced his selection of a Vice President running mate. It was a move that shocked some and amazed many. Adventists everywhere are celebrating because Trump’s VP pick is none other than their leader, Eld. Ted N.C. Wilson, president of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.
“We have a lot in common,” said Trump. “Ted has zero political experience, just like me. Ted denigrates women’s ordination, and I denigrate women in general. Ted has an autocratic style of leadership, and I have a super-autocratic style. Ted, who grew up in Egypt with missionary parents, speaks Egyptian which sounds like gibberish; and I just speak plain nonsense.”
Then Trump added, “Ted used to live in New York City and got his Ph.D. from New York University. So we share ‘New York Values.’ And we are both devout Christians; we both love to read Two Corinthians.” Analysts have suggested that Trump is trying to woo the evangelical vote or to make atonement for skewering another Adventist, Dr. Ben Carson.
In a separate statement, Wilson announced that he will tutor Trump on how to sound like a church-goer so he can boost his “Christian” credentials. The first lesson will be “How to Pronounce ‘II Corinthians.’”
The General Conference executive committee announced that it will invite scorned Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff to assume the role of Interim G.C. President until a suitable replacement is installed at the 2020 Session in Indianapolis.
Meanwhile, Brazil has tapped Hellary Clinton as its next leader, saying “her shady character will fit right in” with their nation that has seen its share of scandals. And former rival Burny Sanders has been appointed Envoy to ISIS – a mission considerably easier than his campaign claim that he “would break up the big banks.”