South American Division of Seventh-day Adventists offers job to suspended Brazilian President Rousseff

quite the transition...
quite the transition…

BRAZILIA, Brazil — Aides of suspended Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff confirmed this morning that she has received a job offer from the South American Division (SAD) of Seventh-day Adventists. If Rousseff accepts the offer she will head up the division’s Media and Communication Department.

Rousseff has been suspended from office while the Brazilian Senate considers charges that she illegally manipulated government accounts. Analysts are divided on whether she will regain the presidency.

SAD spokesperson Muito Improvável said that despite the current political turmoil surrounding Rousseff, she had many notable qualities. “She has decades of media experience and clearly is a powerful and charismatic storyteller. Plus she looks good on a TV screen,” said Improvável. “We don’t have a lot of females in leadership so this would be groundbreaking for us.”

Although Rousseff has not officially commented on the SAD job offer, she is reportedly weighing a number of factors. “We realize there would be significant adjustments involved in accepting this offer,” said Improvável. “For starters, she’s likely to end up with a camp meeting speaking appointment while the rest of the country celebrates Carnaval.”


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  1. richard mills

    This is too hot a political issue for comments. With those 2 guys in Asia having degree problems, why go for another one? By the way, I want in on this position. I know how to talk my way out of a jam. Woe iz me.

  2. SDA News

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍B R E A K I N G‍ ‍ ‍ ‍N E W S!
    Trump Selects G.C. Leader Ted Wilson as V.P. Running Mate

    Trump Tower, N.Y.– Today Donald Trump, presumptive Republican nominee, announced his selection of a Vice President running mate. Adventists everywhere are celebrating because Trump’s VP pick is none other than their leader, Ted N.C. Wilson, president of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

    “We have a lot in common,” said Trump. “Ted has zero political experience, just like me. Ted denigrates women’s ordination, and I denigrate women in general. Ted has an autocratic style of leadership, and I have a super-autocratic style. Ted, who grew up in Egypt with missionary parents, speaks Egyptian which sounds like gibberish; and I just speak plain nonsense.”

    Then Trump added, “Ted used to live in New York City and got his Ph.D. from New York University. So we share ‘New York Values.’ And we are both devout Christians. We both love to read Two Corinthians.” Analysts have suggested that Trump is trying to woo the evangelical vote or to make atonement for skewering another Adventist, Dr. Ben Carson.

    In a separate statement, Wilson announced that he will tutor Trump on how to sound like a church-goer so he can boost his “Christian” credentials. The first lesson will be “How to Pronounce ‘II Corinthians.'”

    The General Conference executive committee announced that it will invite scorned Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff to assume the role of Interim G.C. President until a suitable replacement is installed at the 2020 Session in Indianapolis.

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