GC Commissions Adam Levine’s Tattoo Artist for Beast of Revelation Illustrations

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Immediately after Maroon 5’s performance at this year’s Super Bowl, the General Conference commissioned Adam Levine’s tattoo artist to do what it called “cutting-edge apocalyptic Read more […]

Adventist wins Easter Bunny Design Olympics with vegan beasts of Revelation creation

NEW YORK, N.Y. — For the first time in the history of the International Easter Bunny Design Olympics, an Adventist has taken first place. Roger Lapin of Collegedale, Tennessee won the top Read more […]

GC orders Adventist film festival to provide seating for guardian angels

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Just over a week away from the April 6-8 SONscreen film festival, General Conference overlords have ordered event organizers to provide seating for guardian angels. The Read more […]

Adventist chart wins Guinness World Record for “Most Confusing Illustration”

LONDON, England — The Seventh-day Adventist Church has set a fresh Guinness¬†World Record for Most Confusing Illustration. Guinness spokesperson Naka Lilito said that the organization’s judges Read more […]

Andrews dairy ordered to destroy new golden calf statue

Berrien Springs, Mich. — Mere weeks after the construction of a “golden” calf statue outside the offices of the Andrews University dairy, the department has received orders to destroy Read more […]

Larger foliage to cover all Adventist Adam & Eve art

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A 12-month effort to overhaul Adventist Adam and Eve art begins this week due to what church leaders are calling “pervasive foliage insufficiency.” In addition to far Read more […]