US Congress studies Adventist governance to learn how to move slower

The picture of gridlock.
The picture of gridlock.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of US congressional aides have been assigned the task of studying all levels of Adventist governance.

The goal is to discover ways to help lawmakers in Congress to move even slower as they go about the business of the nation.

“We are already fairly gridlocked on most issues,” said a Luke Leeker a high-level aide working on the project, “it was a challenge finding an entity to study that moved slower than us.”

Leeker said that he and his colleagues had finally decided to look into Adventism after a stray comment from Senate Chaplain Barry Black who himself is an Adventist.

“The chaplain was complaining about the inefficiency of a committee at the local church he pastors,” said Leeker.

He said that the congressional researchers knew they had found a match when they heard it had taken Black’s church six months to decide on the theme for a week of prayer.

“The Adventists are fascinating,” said Leaker. “They are in love with committees that get absolutely nothing done.”

He said that from the local church right up to the highest levels of world church leadership Adventists could conjure up entirely ineffective committees out of thin air.

“Whenever Adventists are faced with a pressing issue that demands action, they park it in an endless succession of committees that can draw things out for years,” said Leeker. “It’s inspiring.”

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  1. The easiest way I know to slow things down is to assign the task a committee. The Pastor is always the committee chairperson. The problem is to agree on a time & date to have the committee meeting. This is Slow Down 101.

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