Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains

WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability Read more […]

Environmental Protection Agency warns of “dangerously high judginess levels” at your local church

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emergency announcement, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is warning the nation of impending disaster after “dangerously high judginess levels” were detected Read more […]

Demoted church administrator devastated to be winning souls as local pastor

BORING, N.D. — After losing a close re-election bid for his position as conference executive secretary, Zac Cloth has spent the last several months mourning his new role as a local church pastor. For Read more […]

GC productivity plummets amidst massive infighting over Executive Servant Leader title

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Worker productivity levels have sunk to historic lows at the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church as candidates for the newly-minted Executive Servant Read more […]