Ted Wilson to pardon Tofurky for Thanksgiving

Tofurky.  You know you want some.
Tofurky. We’ll pardon you for wanting some…

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Preparations are being made for the debut of what church officials predict will be a huge annual hit: The General Conference President pardoning Tofurky just inside the GC lobby.

Today, at 5:00 PM EST, GC President Ted Wilson will preside over the short ceremony in which a small batch of Tofurky will be officially spared from consumption over Thanksgiving dinner.

“We got the idea from the President of the United States,” said GC spokesperson Jake Palmer, referencing the annual Thanksgiving ritual of US presidents pardoning an actual turkey and saving it from being eaten. “Having a ceremony where President Wilson pardons Tofurky seemed like a great way to promote meat substitutes.”

Palmer stressed that very little food would go to waste as a result of the pardoning and that all other Tofurky dishes “are fair game on any Adventist dinner table for Thanksgiving dinner.”

He also explained that the pardoning ceremony did not signify any change in Adventist doctrine regarding forgiveness. “President Wilson has no power to forgive sin, this is just a little holiday fun with an Adventist twist,” said Palmer. “Besides, Tofurky cannot sin. It can do no wrong.”

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