Ted Wilson resigns from GC presidency after accidentally clapping in church

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson announced his resignation today after admitting to accidentally applauding for a special music number at church last weekend.

Wilson, who had attended a church in the Silver Spring area, said that Adventist favorite Jerusalem had been sung by “a long-time member with an absolutely angelic voice.”

In a resignation statement filled with nostalgia about years in office, Wilson confessed that “as the special number ended I was literally sitting on my hands to keep from clapping.”

Wilson describes what happened next as borderline miraculous: “I was suddenly reminded of David dancing and of the Biblical exhortation to make a joyful noise unto the Lord.”

The leader said that he “literally felt as though if I did not clap, rocks in the immediate vicinity would break out into applause on my behalf.”

Wilson says that the “accidental” standing ovation which he proceeded to lead was one of the greatest experiences of his life.

“It was 100% worth it.”

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      1. Ted Willston

        BREAKING NEWS: After trying valiently to defend the Travel Ban, embattled White House spokesman Sean Spicer was fired by U.S. President Trump this evening. Spicer was then immediately hired as the new spokesman for G.C. President Ted Wilson, with a special assignment to defend the Ordination Ban. There was a prompt news release from SNL stating that Melissa McCarthy will continue to skewer Spicer as he sets out to spout “alternative facts” and illogical explanations in his new position. Spicer seems to be a glutton for punishment.

      2. Wendy

        How is this funny?!
        People tend to mistake make a joyful noise (smiling, raising hands, nodding etc) for moving their bodies, clapping inappropriately and jumping around. It’s obvious when Ps Ted talks about clapping appropriately he is referring to sabbath morning formal meetings where reverence for a holy God is better shown by saying amen, nodding or gesturing reverently. It’s only a truly converted heart that can tolerate hearing this. You can dance, sing and clap for the afternoon or mid week services I guess, if you are that way inclined. Pick you battles mate..

  1. Arciwboy

    It reminds me of the dear sister that went to the pastor after some chrasamatic music , with fast music , loud instruments and clapping. “Pastor aren’t we supposed to be like Jesus, He would never clap and sing like this”. His reply, “you are right my sister, you are right, but everyone Jesus touched, sure ran clapping and shouting. “

  2. I was once warned about this clapping thing when appearing before the Church Board. The following Sabbath, we all clapped for a great SDA violinist. The whole church was censored for 6 months. Be careful what you clap for. Now I clap & praise the Lord in silence. I am a closet Christian SDA.

  3. Nixon Balaiah

    Clap, clap, clap! “Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing” …(that can be posted on facebook!)
    Another humorous quote that flashed in my mind (tailored) is… We all are born ignorant and one must work hard to do co-exist and accept the Adventist ‘spiritual’ leaders at GC and worldwide!
    Both the quotes are Benjamin Franklin’s!
    Barely Adventist columns puts the mind to think; however, a smirk is possible…

  4. Sharon Al-Haddad

    I know this is a satirical website but…. I just have to say that I remember reading a statement of Mrs. White to the effect that “applause” is a wordly response and that we should let our praise go to God and that a simple amen was appropriate. Do those who “preform” for glorifying God really need that applause? I have heard people applaud the pastor’s sermon. This part of a statement from William Fagel, White Estates in an answer to a question about this subject,

    “Her references to “applause” that I recall seemed to me to be metaphorical, used as a substitute word for “praise” given to people and feeding their egos.

    Here, I think, is the heart of what some of us sense is wrong with clapping in church. It is a mode of expression from the entertainment world, meant to praise a performer for a pleasing our rousing performance. Is that what we should bring into the house of God? Our praises should be for Him; our songs should be to honor Him, not to draw attention or acclaim to ourselves. The response of “Amen” is not familiar to secular people today, but in the church we could educate people to use it intelligently. It is the word Jesus used when He said, “Verily, verily I say unto thee….” “Verily” means “truly.” When someone has rendered a song of praise to God that has lifted our thoughts and spirits to Him (not drawn them to the performer), the response of “Amen” means, “Yes, that is the truth about God! That’s how I feel about God, too! May He be truly praised and honored!” Isn’t that more appropriate than to clap our praise of the performer? That’s how I see it.”

    I suppose you’ll make fun of me for taking this seriously, but that’s OK.

  5. Lucy

    We are supposed to clap in Church. See Scriptures:

    Psalms 47:1 (To the chief Musician, A Psalm for the sons of Korah.) Oh, clap your hands, all you people; shout to GOD with the voice of triumph.

    Psalms 98:8 – Let the floods clap hands. Let the hills be joyful together.

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