WASHINGTON, D.C. — The newly-minted Trump administration has announced that it will follow its widely-criticized “Muslim Ban” with what it is calling an “Adventist Ban.”
Trump’s executive order banning citizens of seven majority-Muslim countries from entering the US is to be followed by a similar ban on people coming from the seven countries outside the US containing the most Adventists.
“We don’t want to hear any quibbling about religious liberty from this over-sensitive denomination,” said Trump official Harma Geddine.
“We only like one Adventist. And even Ben Carson almost lost us the election at one point.”
Geddine said that the list of reasons for banning large segments of the Adventist world was, according to her boss, “as long as the wall we’re building. They’re YUGELY detrimental to American business interests.
“The Adventists’ stance on gambling hurts Las Vegas. Their pickiness with eating, drinking and social activities puts a serious damper on the entertainment industry. And don’t even get us started on the foreign policy implications of their take on America in Bible prophecy.”
Geddine said the specific countries whose Adventist nationals would be banned had not been released yet.
However, she advised the denomination’s leadership to “move the venue for your next General Conference Session outside the US if you plan on having a full house.”
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