GLENDALE, Calif. — The already-tricky parking situation at one of Southern California’s larger Adventist churches took a turn for the worse today.
The volunteer parking attendants decided en masse to abandon directing members to sanctioned parking spaces in favor of what lead attendant Buena Suerte called “actually keeping the Sabbath.”
As congregants raced to church, the main Vallejo parking lot resembled what eyewitnesses called “a pile-up of biblical proportions” as impulsive Glendale drivers sped around the lot trying to find a spot before the sermon started.
Suerte and his team of Sabbath-keeping parking attendants completely ignored pleas from both fellow members and the pulpit to return to their duties.
“Just because a few people may have double parked doesn’t make this an ‘ox-in-a-ditch’ scenario,” said Suerte as cars began to vertically stack outside.
“Maybe after this experience we’ll have a few more volunteers to work parking on Sabbath.”
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With SDA churches located in the inner city/ghettos, etc., proper parking is a real challenge. On-street parking is for the local residents with ID stickers from the city or town PD. Maybe if you park a few blocks away in a commercial area it might be OK. Watch the signs for tow zones. Do not park in front of someone’s driveway or other restricted spaces. Any WalMart lot is an excellent parking site.. After sundown, you can shop for the stuff you forgot on Friday. If it foul weather, bring an umbrella or other appropriate protection from the elements. See how I figured it all out for you? DO I hear an AMEN for Sabbath observance?
FINE FOR YOU, BUT I’M NOT A SABBATH FANATIC. I REALIZE ITS ROOTS AND PURPOSE BUT I AM NOT ENSLAVED TO IT AS WERE THE JEWS OF OLD, THEY HAD A YOLK WHICH WAS CLOSE TO UNBEARABLE, THINK ABOUT IT, GOING TO SOME DUDE AND BUYING A DOVE OR SOME OTHER ANIMAL AND THEN GOING TO THE PRIEST AND GOING THRU SOME RITUAL, WOW, THANK YOU JESUS FOR LIFTING THE YOLK WHICH DID NOT WORK ANYWAYS. BUT THE JEWS LOVE TO BE FANATICS OF THE SABBATH, EVEN CALLED OUR LORD A SABBATH BREAKER, ITS OK JESUS, I HAVE “BROKEN” THE SABBATH TOO. STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH AND PICK YOU OVER MAN.
I used to think this site was funny (back when I was a teenager). Now as an adult I realize it’s not so funny to publish outright lies in the name of “satire.” These fake “news” stories are often viewed by people who are not members of the church and have no idea that they are fiction. Your weak attempt at humor has ended up as a strong source of misleading the public.
Barely Adventist is barely funny. Shame for pulling the wool over our eyes.
Did you hear that Sean Spicer just got fired by Trump? But Spicer won’t be without a job. Ted Wilson snapped him up immediately, to be the new spokesman for the G.C. His first assignment will be “spinning” the Women’s Ordination Ban with all the “alternative facts” and “smoke & mirrors” that poor Spicer can muster in between giant gulps of cinnamon chewing gum. Let’s hope the Hope Channel reporters are nicer to him than the CNN guys have been. . . .