Southern to introduce electronic tagging for all students

A Southern summer student models the new ankle monitors
A Southern summer student models the new ankle monitors

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University Administration has decided to introduce electronic monitoring of all students starting this Fall Semester. Students are asked to report to the Campus Safety Department upon arrival at Southern for what administration is calling a “brief tagging procedure.”

“There is nothing to be concerned about, electronic monitoring has proved itself to be immensely successful in the prison system for parolees and we are sure that it will improve our student life experience at Southern,” said Campus Safety Director Ted Buxton.

Students will be fitted with an ankle-mounted device in the color of their choosing. The device cannot be removed without a second visit to campus security at the conclusion of the semester. Ankle monitors mean campus security will have real-time 24/7 geo-specific data on each student to within a few feet of their location.

“Parents can rest assured that we will know where their kids are at all times,” said Buxton. He added that with a donation of $5,000 or more to the university, parents would be given access to the geo data on their children. “It will work kind of like a baby cam without the video — you monitor your college student from your smart phone.”


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  1. Richard Mills

    What a great, novel suggestion. If these were around many years ago at that New England School, I would not have been asked to take an extended vacation from my studies. What happens when it is time to shower, to take Communion, sports, at the airport screening by TSA? It’s a bit like of the boot clamped to a vehicle that is parked illegally. Hang tough, kids. Woe is me.

  2. David N

    Reminds me the rumors (At least I hope they were rumors) of the deans at La Sierra going to a local bar to catch students dancing (it was an 18+ bar so drinking wasn’t really an issue)…

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