Jamaican Union Conference conducts mass kissing conference

Participants getting ready for a practice kiss.
Participants getting ready for a practice kiss.

MANDEVILLE, Jamaica — An excited crowd of 2000 Adventist Jamaicans were treated to ‘professional’ kissing lessons at a couples’ conference this past Saturday. The free kissing workshop was organized by the Jamaica Union Conference and took place at Mandeville-based Northern Caribbean University.

To many, the lessons were the highlight of the union-wide couples’ conference that is held in Jamaica every five years. Married presenters demonstrated a variety of kisses ranging from a chaste, church-appropriate air kiss on the cheek, to a brief lip-to-lip peck and more elaborate “marriage-appropriate” kisses that many in the crowd agreed would give even the French a run for their money. The crowd was given 5-10 minutes of practice time after each kiss demonstration to allow each couple the time to master the required mechanics.

“Modesty aside, I already know I am a great kisser,” said Raymond Francis who had come to attend the event with his wife Tanya. “But when you have 2000 other couples watching you, it pays to really give it your all and put on a show. None of the guys sitting around us had my skills.”

Interviewed separately, Tanya Francis expressed even more enthusiasm than her husband for the kissing instruction. “There is always a lot of helpful info shared at these events, said Tanya Francis who confesses that she had been looking forward to the conference for months. “But the most useful part of this year’s conference was definitely the kissing workshop. I really hope my husband Raymond learned a thing or two.”

Approximately 2000 couples attended the event in the NCU gym.
Approximately 2000 couples attended the event in the NCU gym.

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  1. Richard Mills

    Who is kissing who? Were the people really kissing their spouses? What could be the next romantic event? Will it be “practiced” a the next GC Session? I am now practicing with my spouse. Woe is me!!

  2. Harold Minott

    I glady attended the marriage enrichment seminar, and take great umbrage at the disingenuous characterisation of what turned out to be truly multi-faceted and rewarding experience. It was not a kissing conference, as dishonestly described. I do not recall the “kissing”, when it did happen, to last for more than a few seconds, and this was to seal a truly emotional moment of connection between spouses. I personally love to kiss, but I did not detect any invitation to be demonstrative or excessive during this alleged “kissing workshop”, as alluded to by the article. If your aim was to trivialize a very serious attempt by the church to enrich marriages, alas, you may have succeeded in the minds of a few. However, as a first hand conference participant, I will let you know that you have unwittingly, and without substantiation, provided fodder for detractors eager to desecrate a noble program which was intended to serve a holy purpose. You be the judge on what is the value of such an article, in light of a tsunami of facts au contraire

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