ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets.
The auction is one of several attempts to generate revenue creatively after income from student speeding fines has dried up.
“Nobody’s at school anymore and we haven’t been able to bust anyone for speeding, double parking or doing donuts on campus for months,” said spokesperson for the Association of Adventist Veggie Cops, Joe Blewitt.
“I already feel powerless without my whistle but we are facing unprecedented times,” said Blewitt. “What’s next? Will I have to auction off my souped-up golf cart?”