SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets.
“We realize we could have said what we believe more succinctly,” admitted General Conference Director of Tree Felling, Guy Printalot.
“The fundamental beliefs are costing more and more to disseminate and there are always Scrooges that point out John 3:16 sums up the essentials of what people need to know,” said Printalot.
“Also, we’ve had all these old 27 fundamental beliefs books sitting in the GC basement unused. It’s time we showed them some love.”