SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist World Headquarters was completely aflutter today at the news that General Conference President Ted Wilson could face disciplinary action for questionable email practices that may have exposed information labeled as “classified” by the GC. Wilson’s accusers allege that top secret information on the taco salad Adventists reverently refer to as “haystacks” may have been compromised because of Wilson’s practice of using a private server for work email.
“Honestly, this could very easily have been avoided if Ted had just used our secure GC-sanctioned servers for all his emails,” said Joe Stickler of the GC Information Systems Department who has been leading the investigation into Wilson’s email handling. “Instead, top secret haystacks material safeguarded by the denomination for generations was made vulnerable to snooping by your average Baptist hacker looking for snack ideas.”
Wilson has responded that at the time he received the emails in question they had not been labeled as classified and that he therefore stored various haystacks recipes, detailed analyses on the nutritional value of various chips and other information on his personal server at home.
“Ted has taken an uncharacteristically cavalier attitude on this issue,” said Stickler. “When you carelessly expose information like the years of research work aimed at defending haystacks-bound cheddar cheese as an exception to Ellen White’s warnings against the use of cheese, you are in danger of rattling some of the very foundations of our culinary heritage.”
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