SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Record purchases of Kleenex products by teary-eyed Adventists last night have completely cleaned out greater San Antonio stores of their stock. Starting at about 7:00 PM yesterday, store managers across town noticed a procession of dejected-looking to bawling Adventists streaming into stores, some with General Conference delegate badges clearly showing.
“It was like the Alamodome had just held a mass funeral or something,” said local Walgreens manager, Rhe Grehtable. “It was such a contrast from earlier this week when the Adventists were in here buying up all my Martinelli’s.”
Grehtable said she wishes she’d had the foresight to order more Kleenex boxes. “We would have made a killing tonight,” she said, adding that after the first dozen or so conference-goers had purchased grieiving supplies, she learned that the reason for the outpouring of grief was a vote that went the wrong way.
“Something about able-bodied women not being recognized despite doing all the work. I couldn’t really tell with all the sniffling but it sounded super 1950s to me,” said Grehtable.
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