BERRIEN SPINGS, Mich. — A major study into the lifestyles of Seventh-day Adventists has revealed that per hour productivity of most church members skyrockets in the hour directly preceding Friday sunset.
The research, conducted by the Andrews University Department of Behavioral Sciences, revealed that the firm housecleaning deadline faced by Adventists every Friday sunset inspires a weekly frenzy of domestic productivity completely unparalleled by any other recurring event.
Adventist survey respondents confessed to being in a state of near panic as precious pre-sunset minutes tick away and they discover that not only are toilets left unscrubbed, but church outfits require ironing and, for purists, Sabbath baths remain to be drawn.
“I discover a whole new level of efficiency as sunset draws near on Friday evenings,” said Michigan City-based respondent, Ayuda May. “If only I could summon the same energy on Monday mornings.”