LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist couples expecting babies have crashed registration sites for a new kind of pregnancy scan.
The Sabatistascan allows Adventist parents to know with 99% certainty whether their child will be a pastor, teacher or medical professional.
Launched at Loma Linda University Medical Center, the scan promises to give Adventist parents a head start in the decades-long journey of pressuring their kids into one of the three acceptable denominational professions.
An advanced Sabatistascan available for a higher price will also tell Adventist parents whether or not their child will be musically gifted.
“Not as many parents are interested in the musical giftedness scan because you could end up spending a lot of money only to find out that your child won’t even make the church choir,” admitted Sabatistascan representative, Carri Simo.
The scan is not yet covered by most medical insurance providers. Simo said that Sabatistascan centers will charge Adventist parents based on the earning potential of their unborn children.
“Let’s just say that if your baby tests positive for the medical professions you’ll be paying full price,” said Simo.
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Hey, OB’s here in my local hospital can predict if the baby will grow up to be a GC President!! One of the secrets is to feed the kid lots of Little Debbies!!
What if the scan shows that the unborn fetus will grow up to be a dictator? Is it okay to abort?