MAGALIA, Calif. — Paranoid Adventist Sayns Adatimes of Magalia, California spends his time frightening fellow Adventists and random passersby with “indisputable” current events updates that “absolutely prove the Time of Trouble is upon us.”
Adatimes has dodged small talk for as long as any longsuffering friend can remember preferring to assail anyone he meets with grim-faced warnings of impending doom.
Determined to do more than just talk, Adatimes has fully stocked mountain cabins with cans of Big Franks and carob powder.
As of this morning, Adatimes has stacked his “getaway car” with a precariously tall pile of supplies so that he will lose no time packing for his escape when the time comes.
Two separate cop cars have already stopped by with officers telling him he will not be going anywhere with that kind of load.