GC forbids patriotic finger nails

Ready for tomorrow??
Ready for tomorrow??

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has forbidden members from getting patriotic finger nails for the Fourth of July.

Dre Reei, the GC Director of Gloom reminded members that painting their nails red white and blue still counted as vain adornment on America’s birthday.

He encouraged American Adventists to express their patriotism in different ways.

“Nothing is more patriotic than waving sparklers and singing your heart out to This Little Light of Mine,” said Reii.

“You can also cast temperance aside and go crazy on some veggie burgers or binge on Little Debbie snack cakes,” he added.

“But if you come to church with starred and striped nails next Sabbath we’ll march you straight to the fellowship hall with a bottle of acetone.”

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  1. This article says nothing about the toe nails or other parts of the body. Just like the ten toes of Daniel 2. Tomorrow I will eat those veggie burgers, non-GMO ginger ale, whole wheat buns, veggie mustard & catsup, beet flavored potato chips, a wholesome salad filled with Nayonaise, lotsa spring fed water and maybe a Special K loaf by my spouse. Yes, lotsa Little Debbies-red, white & blue frosting. Chow Down y’all. After the fireworks, I’ll paint the town “red”.

  2. Matt

    And you should be promptly told by that person to kiss their ass. You might be able to set a dress code that doesn’t allow someone to wear Daisy Dukes to church, but you don’t get to go that far.

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