Michigan Conference Elects Female President

She'll do a wonderful job.
She’ll do a wonderful job.

LANSING, Mich. — In a historic first, the Michigan Conference of the Adventist Church has elected a female president. Diana Prince, a former missionary to Amazon tribes, won a landslide victory that prompted even the most experienced of church administrators to shake their heads in wonder.

Prince said that her first order of business as president would be to honor George R. Knight as Church Historian of the Year and to make his books “as available as FriChik at every ABC.”

The new president pledged that from here on out, the Michigan Conference would be known as the most progressive of Adventist conferences, “leading the charge on everything from Sabbath wading reform to forbidding church board meetings from lasting longer than an hour.”

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  1. Jordan River

    Perhaps the first order of business could be to issue a full pardon to Pastor Gallimore in exchange for a full confession of errors and sins . … Including the promulgation of non-Adventist and worldly ideas in the churches including Banylonish headship theology and protection of sex abusers among the ordained male clergy. Only an act of pure grace can undo two decades of legitimated apostasy.

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