Adventist found guilty of Sabbath swimming after falling in pool

Scene of the crime
Scene of the crime

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Supreme Court has found a member guilty of Sabbath swimming despite what he claims was an entirely accidental fall into a friend’s pool.

The incident which took place last Sabbath is said to have occurred as Wade Densplache was taking what he called a “Sabbath afternoon walk.”

Eye witnesses said that Densplache got up from a Sabbath lunch and walked into his friend’s backyard after appearing to tire of the discussion of the day’s sermon.

“Wade strolled out the back door and the next thing we saw was him crashing into the pool,” said lunch guest and local head elder, William Millered, claiming that he could not say for certain whether the Sabbath splash had been an accident or a premeditated plunge.

General Conference-based Supereme Court justices had no time for claims that Densplache had fallen into the pool by accident.

In a court statement sentencing Densplache to a year’s worth of conference-wide baptismal pool cleaning, the justices said that they had “heard a few too many Sabbath swimming excuses to put much stock in Denspache’s completely unoriginal tale.”

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  1. Water Sport

    The only Sabbath water sport permitted is “walking on water,” not swimming or splashing. Flipflops are OK if you fear your Sabbath shoes will be damaged by the water.

  2. richeerich

    If I open the door to the stove oven and accidentally fall in, am I guilty of baking on the Sabbath? Should I be a Pharisee or a Sadducee when I grow up? Tough choice!! Gimme a Little Debbie, QUICK!

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