SILVER SPRING, Md. — A brand new Pathfinder honor titled Male Ordination was launched recently as part of a GC effort to “make rigged votes stick.”
Pathfinders who wish to earn the new honor patch will be trained in how best to delay the Second Coming by refusing to fully use the talents of more than half the total population of Adventists worldwide.
Another requirement for the honor includes reading the Bible through the eyes of centuries-old male chauvinism that did genius things like denying women the right to vote back in the good old days.
According to a GC press release, the only challenge to the rollout of the new patch appears to be the Pathfinders themselves: “For some reason Adventist kids are rejecting the new honor because they believe God created us all equal.”