Loma Linda University releases tick that makes you vegetarian

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Adventist ultravegetarians, some random hikers and several senior Loma Linda University biologists have successfully engineered a tick that makes those it bites vegetarian.

“We went ahead and released a ton of these ticks throughout the Loma Linda area without telling anyone,” said a spokesperson for the LLU-sponsored interdisciplinary team, Uneth Ikal. “We’ve calculated that our ticks account for 28% of local vegetarianism.”

Shocked local residents were taken aback by the announcement.

“It made me question my motives for becoming a vegetarian,” said family practice resident, Will Yoo Wedmee. “Did I get bitten by this tick or do I just hate the taste of chicken?”

Organizers of NEWSTART seminars in town have harvested hundreds of the ticks for release during nutritional lectures. “Not even Weimar can be more persuasive about the benefits of vegetarianism than these ticks,” said local NEWSTART presenter Hans Dealt.

For it’s part, the General Conference has comdemned the use of the ticks to spread vegetarianism.

“The GC does not believe in biological warfare unless it’s related to gender,” said a GC statement encouraging Loma Linda residents to wear bug spray.

Advertise on BarelyAdventist


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com


(Visited 361 times, 1 visits today)

One comment

  1. richeerich

    Many years ago while visiting relatives in Dunlap, Tennessee, I went over the mountain to Collegdale. I was bitten by a Little Debbie bug. Ain’t been the same since. Usually, I eat one or two every day and one after my supper.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *