Loma Linda, Calif. — Nutritionists at Loma Linda University claiming to have discovered the ideal human diet have revealed a new recommended food pyramid.
Instead of the pyramid consisting of different portions of grains, fruits, vegetables and legumes, the whole thing is made up of Big Franks.
“Balance is over rated,” said Loma Linda spokesperson Mar Turos.
He described the vegetarian hot dogs which are a favorite with Adventists as “the most super-charged of super foods.”
In a show of official support of the new food pyramid, Loma Linda University administrators revealed that they routinely go for weeks just eating raw Big Franks out of cans.
The university pushed back aggressively on the suggestion that they were only promoting Big Franks because they were made by Loma Linda / Worthington.
“It’s not our fault that we were the ones to first rediscover the diet of Eden,” read a statement from the university.