LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Edith Greenley, the 110-year-old Adventist Loma Linda resident who shot to international fame earlier this year for sending a would-be mugger to the hospital, has been hired by the Loma Linda Police Department. In late April, the centenarian was cornered in a grocery store parking lot by a young mugger who she subdued by a viscous swing of her shopping bag.
“Edith’s courageous defense against her attacker made her a local hero and caused a dramatic reduction in local incidents of mugging and petty theft,” said Loma Linda Police Chief Randy Adams. “We have hired her to use her street smarts and extensive social network to recruit volunteer community safety officers to patrol our streets.
After her hiring, Officer Greenley wasted no time in forming a crew of several dozen retiree volunteers from her church’s Dorcas sorters, her knitting circle and the Loma Linda King’s Heralds fan club.
Greenley’s volunteers roam the streets in packs of 10 or more, wielding robust canes and pushing walkers filled with canned vegetarian products which they launch without hesitation at anyone they suspect of disturbing the peace.
Loma Linda residents have been on their best behavior since Greenley’s crew has hit the streets. “It’s slightly surreal,” said Loma Linda dentistry student, Fred Keeter. “Overnight Loma Linda has become the safest town in California. Nobody messes with the Walker Patrol.”