General Conference official fired after mustard bottle found in desk


SILVER SPRING, Md. — A senior official has been fired from his post at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists after a bottle of mustard was discovered in his top desk drawer.

Solo Granix of the GC Temperance Enforcement Department was reportedly on the way back to his office from a potluck etiquette presentation when the mustard was discovered gleaming through a crack in his nearly closed desk drawer.

General Conference security was immediately called to the scene and the building was briefly evacuated as the mustard was confiscated and destroyed according to established protocol.

Granix returned to the office to find a pink slip taped to his former desk with hazard tape.


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  1. Ray Kraft

    Not so far from the truth, I remember when some people noticed the College Market at Pacific Union College had bottles of ground black pepper on the shelf for sale, there was a HUGE flapdoodle, and the black pepper promptly disappeared into the Lake of Fire.

    The funny thing, mustard and black pepper are “herbs of the field” and God told us herbs of the field were for us to eat. And the funnier thing, mustard and black pepper are apparently grave sins, but I haven’t heard anything like that about curry and jalapenos.

    Or maybe I’m just missing something?

    1. richard mills

      Ray-Mustard is great on those phoney vega hotdogs, vega burgers, etc. A little dab on the vega cheese sandwich is delicious. Come on down to my next BBQ.
      Woe iz me & you!

  2. richard mills

    I demand that more desks at the GC be searched for other contraband. Don’t forget those closets. Who knows what will show up! It’s gonna be embarrassing! Wholesale resignations. New job opportunities for others. The “Office Inspector” is coming around. Be forwarned! Woe iz me!

  3. How ironic if the temperance enforcement officer is the one who was caught with the concealed mustard. Such condiments are surely evil. But they should have given him a second chance: he could atone for his transgression by guzzling a whole carton of Little Debbie’s snack cakes.

    1. STU REDMAN.

      Not a big fan of Ellen. There are some good writings there. Inspired????
      But she also wrote against living in the city, and having the GC in the city, cherry pickers everywhere.

  4. Luke Skycrawler

    Tired of condiments and junk food? Try these special Adventist foods:
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍ Haystacks
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍ Special-K Loaf
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍ Little Debbie’s snack cakes
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍Postum
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍Carob
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ • ‍Fri-Chik / Veja-Links / Veggie Burgers
    Eat them every day, and you will surely go to heaven!‍ ‍ (Hezekiah 3:16)

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