SILVER SPRING, Md. — Worker productivity levels have sunk to historic lows at the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church as candidates for the newly-minted Executive Servant Leader position have battled each other for the job.
Although the job description for the role describes the ideal candidate as someone who “takes the lead in fostering a culture of humility and selfless service at the General Conference,” candidates so far have flaunted their baptismal tallies, days of international church business travel and their frequent flyer status levels in a bid to outshine the competition.
“This place has become a den of vipers since we announced the Executive Servant Leader opening,” said HR Director Perr Diam. “I even found a copy of Machiavelli’s The Prince in the men’s room yesterday.”